Conquering Nightmares
by FicreaderT
Summary: This is my take on what I think it might have looked like if we'd been treated to some long-distance McRoll in season 5. Will become AU at the end. Contains spoilers for 4.21 and parts of season 5.
1. Chapter 1

_I originally started this story after the season 4 finale just about a year ago but real life and difficulty with what direction to take it in slowed progress to a halt. I ended up revising it a couple times as season 5 progressed but my heart just wasn't in it. Then, with this year's finale my muse returned (if you've read any of my other stories I bet you can guess why) and the ideas started flowing again. I chose not to change the ending to match canon so this will become AU at the end. Also, there will be a little bit of foul language thrown in here or there, I hope it won't offend anybody._

 _All of the situations and dialogue you recognize from the show are taken directly from episode 4.21 or various episodes from season 5 and belong to the genius of Five-0's writers, producers, directors and cast. I can only take credit for everything else._

 _Although I have read and re-read this numerous times I'm definitely not perfect so I'm sure you will find mistakes which are all my own and for which I apologize in advance. This is the first story I've published in over a year and also my first multi-chapter story so I really hope it's worth the ridiculous number of hours I spent writing it. It is basically finished (although I reserve the right to play with the ending a little bit) so you will get all of it in a timely manner – I promise!_

 _Finally, I wish to express my thanks to LuckyStarPham for inspiring me to revisit this story and finally finish it._

 _I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **Conquering Nightmares**

Chapter 1

 _They were surrounded by chaos. Their plan had gone to hell and they were outnumbered at least three to one. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue for a pair like Steve McGarrett and Catherine Rollins, but when you add a group of innocent children into the mix, it changes everything._

 _Steve was at the front of a stopped convoy of three Taliban vehicles and Catherine at the rear working quietly to evacuate a dozen young kidnap victims when suddenly gunfire had erupted and men began shouting. Steve grabbed the man closest to him, used him as a human shield and then snapped his neck and tossed his body aside as he searched the fray for the next man he needed to kill. Because in this situation, it was kill or be killed, and everyone present knew it._

 _Steve heard Catherine call to him and he shouted "Get the kids!" before continuing to take down as many of their enemy as he could to cover her and the boys she was evacuating from the truck. Catherine helped the boys jump down and encouraged them to run._

 _She broke cover a couple times to fire upon the Taliban soldiers and, believing she had neutralized the immediate threat to the boys' safety, was following them into the field when she walked right into the line of fire of a man she had previously hit and thought was down. He had her dead to rights, as her weapon was down but Steve had the man in his sights…_

Steve woke with a start, in his sun-filled bedroom in Hawaii at the same time Catherine Rollins jerked awake in a dark cave in Afghanistan. Bodies trembling and hearts pounding, both tried to shake off the last vestiges of their nightmares.

Catherine realized it was the middle of the night and she needed to try and get more sleep so she attempted to get comfortable on the sleeping mat and closed her eyes, hoping she wouldn't experience the recurring nightmare again.

Steve looked over at the clock on his bedside table and realized it was 0900 even though he'd only slept for four hours due to a stakeout that ran late and an inability to wind down immediately when he'd finally arrived home. Still tired but not wanting to close his eyes again he sat up and tried to clear his head enough to make a plan for the day. He had told the team not to come in before noon so was faced with the options of going in to the office early or heading out for a run or swim to try and clear his head. Deciding on a swim he rose and reached for a pair of board shorts.

* * *

Around the same time Steve and Catherine were waking from their nightmares Danny Williams was sitting in his office at Five-0 headquarters finishing up some paperwork. He had been afforded the earlier, mid-day shift of the stakeout since he had plans with his daughter Grace for the evening. Having had a good night's sleep had arrived at work at his usual time even though Steve had issued strict instructions not to come in before noon. Danny figured the Neanderthal would probably sneak in before his self-imposed curfew anyway and wouldn't have a leg to stand on if he wanted to argue with Danny for being there as well.

The blonde detective signed off on his last form and placed it on the side of his desk. He spun to the computer and checked his calendar, noting that Grace had a cheerleading practice the following afternoon. Then he noticed something else – it had been exactly four months since the day he had boarded a plane to Afghanistan to pick up the pieces of a personal mission gone horribly wrong. He sat back in his chair, recalling the events of that day.

 _They had just closed a case involving the theft of an organ for donation and Catherine had called him from Afghanistan in a panic to tell him Steve had been captured by the Taliban and instructing him to call Joe White to set up a rescue. Danny had immediately done so, giving Joe the information he had received from Catherine – which included only the name of a man and some coordinates for the camp. It wasn't much, but to her credit, it was everything Joe needed._

 _An hour later Danny was on a military transport bound for a US military base in Jalalabad, Afghanistan where he was able to listen, with his heart in his throat, to an audio feed as the team breached the Taliban compound Catherine had provided coordinates for and where they hoped Steve was being held. He could still recall, in vivid detail, the relief he had felt upon hearing the words 'the package is secure', meaning they had found Steve alive. But his relief was dampened by the Navy officer in charge calling out orders to prepare for wounded which made Danny realize he didn't know what kind of shape his friend would be in; they might not be out of the woods quite yet._

 _Upon arriving at the base Steve had been in bad shape, even worse then when his Five-0 team had gotten him out of Korea. Danny's first glimpse of the SEAL, as the stretcher bearing the man was carried off the helicopter and transferred to a gurney was that he had horribly beaten – but what worried Danny the most was that his friend was unconscious. Whether the reason for it was due to trauma or medical intervention Danny wasn't sure, but it had concerned him either way. Steve McGarrett was a machine, and this was the first time Danny had witnessed him not able to walk away from a situation under mostly his own power._

Brushing off the lingering residuals of the memory Danny sighed and sat upright in his chair. Reliving that day always unsettled him, even though he knew Steve was fine – that he had recovered fully. Well, maybe not fully. Physically, yes – he was back to one hundred percent, but mentally? Steve had left part of himself behind in Afghanistan, and her name was Catherine Rollins.

Catherine wasn't in Hawaii with the rest of her 'ohana - she was thousands of miles away and nobody knew when she was coming home. Officially, she was on leave of absence from Five-0 and the team was functioning fine without her, for the most part.

The team leader, however, was not functioning fine. He was struggling and Danny figured lack of sleep played a big part in that. Danny knew the man slept - at least a few hours every night, but there were definitely some nights that were worse than others. He wasn't sure what was keeping his partner from restful sleep, or why it didn't seem to affect him every night but he had figured out the nights Steve got some real sleep - those were the times when he could come in the next morning behaving just like his usual self.

On the other hand there were the days when the first one of them would arrive in the morning to find that Steve had already been there for a couple of hours. When they could tell he wanted to dive headfirst into the fray, but would grudgingly agree to wait for backup only because he didn't want anyone else on his team getting hurt. When he would handle more roughly and question less patiently whoever their suspect-of-the-day was and when, at the end of the day, he would send them all home but himself stay in the office doing who knows what.

They had determined more than once he had spent that time after hours disassembling and cleaning each and every weapon in their armory because one time Chin had noticed the faint smudge of gun oil on the outside of the weapons cache and another time Kono had seen the rags and a discarded barrel brush in the trash. They suspected he spent time doing research, trying from afar to help Catherine with her mission to find the Afghani boy, maybe trying to keep his ear to the ground, always hoping never to hear what he feared the most; that his girlfriend had been captured or killed.

It seemed to the blonde that the days when his partner hadn't really slept definitely outnumbered the ones when he had. He didn't know if the problem was that Steve had too much on his mind to actually fall asleep, or if he just wasn't sleeping well or long enough because nightmares were invading his rest.

Danny had known for years his partner had nightmares every so often, because he'd heard evidence of them occasionally on the nights he'd slept on the couch. He thought back to one night in particular, early in their friendship.

 _Sounds from the bedroom upstairs had woken him from his place on the sofa so he made his way upstairs and watched the man in the bed mumble and cry out in his sleep while thrashing around. He figured it might not be a good idea to get too close so he remained in the safety of the doorway and called his partner's name until he awoke with a jerk. Steve was disorientated for a moment before noticing the blonde in the doorway and turning his head to address him._

" _Danny? What're you doing?"_

" _Nothing, babe. I thought I heard something. Sorry, go back to sleep."_

 _Steve cocked his head, sensing something seemed off with his partner. "You okay, man?"_

 _Danny waved him off. "Yeah, yeah. It's nothing. I'm gonna, uh, I'm gonna go back to the couch."_

" _Okay. See you in the morning."_

As Danny thought back on that night from years before he realized he still didn't know for sure whether Steve hadn't remembered he'd been having a nightmare or was putting on a good act for his friend's benefit, but it didn't really matter. He'd decided it wasn't his business and was never going to ask. He could only imagine what his friend had done and seen throughout his impressive career that would haunt his dreams.

His thoughts returned to memories of the afternoon following that night, as they'd sat in Steve's office before heading home.

" _So, should I expect to wake up with an audience every time you sleep on the couch?" Steve asked._

" _I don't know, Steven, would you like one? I might be able to arrange something."_

 _Steve caressed his chin with his thumb and index finger as he appeared to ponder something. "I'll have to get a cot, though. 'Cause you're sure as hell not sleeping in my bed with me."_

 _Danny raised both hands – palms out. "Hah! There's not enough money in the world, my friend. I'm just fine on the couch, thank you very much."_

" _Fair enough," Steve said. He shook his head and chuckled. "I can live with that."_

 _Danny gestured to his partner. "Maybe_ _ **you**_ _can live with that," he said as he pointed to himself, "but what about me? The sound of the damn ocean keeps me up all night."_

 _Steve laughed again. "You live on an island, man." He shook his head. "Try getting used to it."_

 _Danny rose from his chair. "The extent of your empathy is overwhelming me," he said, with a smile on his face, "so I'm going home."_

 _Steve nodded once in friend's direction "See you tomorrow." Danny was almost to the door when Steve spoke again, "Hey, Danny?"  
_

 _The blonde turned and noticed the expression on his friend's face had become more serious. "Yeah?"_

" _Let's just say… in certain situations I may wake up swinging and a trip to the ER in the middle of the night would be a real pain in the ass, you know?"_

 _Steve's tone was fairly light and he had a half smile on his face, but Danny had a feeling there was a real warning in Steve's words and was happy to oblige. But he couldn't resist a snarky comment._

" _Is that a nice side effect of all that Army Ninja training?"_

" _It's the_ _ **Navy**_ _, Danny."_

 _Danny's face split into a grin. "Huh. You'd think I wouldn't have such a hard time remembering that."_

 _As the detective turned again to go his partner's softly spoken words stopped him._

" _Hey Danny?" Danny turned back once more to gaze at the SEAL and he said, "Thanks, man."_

" _You're uh, you're welcome," he responded, before turning and continuing out the door._

Yes, Danny Williams knew his partner suffered from nightmares and he was fairly sure he would never, ever want to know the number of times Steve had awoken troubled by the aftermath of one. He suspected they were worse after some sort of traumatic event triggered them and wondered how many new ones had been added to the repertoire after Steve's most recent acquaintance with the Taliban. But he also knew his friend had always seemed to be able to handle them. The reality was there was probably only one person who knew the truth about Steve McGarrett's nightmares, and Catherine Rollins wasn't around to be asked.

Danny had promised her, though, that he'd take care of her boyfriend, and he'd damn well been trying to keep his word. He could picture it in his mind; at some point upon her return he figured she'd turn to him and say, "Report, detective." He hoped to be able to deliver a mostly-positive summary although he figured he might need to work through some his anger before doing so.

The truth was, while part of him still blamed Catherine for what happened to Steve in Afghanistan, he also resented her for choosing to stay behind because he hated to see what it was doing to his friend. If he was being honest, though, part of him missed the woman, too, because he and Catherine were friends. He genuinely enjoyed spending time with her and appreciated her contributions to their team. Of course, there was the added bonus that she was particularly good at SEAL-wrangling. Mostly, though, the biggest reason he missed Catherine Rollins was because he hoped to someday again see that smile on his partner's face - the one the man reserved only for the woman he loved.

* * *

Steve had pretty much always had nightmares. When he was a child they were mostly about his mother dying. After he completed BUDs and was deployed those nightmares from his childhood morphed into scenes from battles, reliving the deaths of teammates or innocent civilians, being surrounded by turmoil and destruction… There was no limit to the types of nightmares he had experienced, but even he was surprised by the intensity of the bad dreams he had after leaving Catherine in Afghanistan.

Even on the nights when they'd recently spoken on the phone or chatted via text message and he knew she was safe he'd still have nightmares involving her. Sometimes one of his active-duty friends who was doing him a favor and keeping an ear open would call to tell him that they had some distressing information, or he'd see a news headline about an American woman captured and held by the Taliban. Or he'd dream that he was back there in Afghanistan, the last time he'd seen Catherine in person during a firefight. That nightmare was the worst one because of the way his dream-addled mind warped the memories.

 _He was pretending to herd goats, providing a reason to keep three Taliban vehicles stopped so Catherine could rescue the kidnapped children they hoped were still inside. He knew their ruse had gone south when suddenly he heard gunfire from Catherine's position and men began shouting and started exiting the vehicles._

 _He grabbed a man to use him as a human shield so he could take a moment to assess the situation. He chose an enemy target and fired several rounds into the tango's chest before snapping the neck of his hostage and tossing the body aside. He heard Catherine's voice calling to the boys so he knew she was not in distress at the moment. His job was to provide her cover so she could get clear with those children._

 _Catherine called to him and he told her to concentrate on the kids. He focused on providing cover for her so she could focus on the children they were trying to save. He saw a couple of boys run into the adjacent field and then she emerged from behind the truck, weapon down and poised to follow them. His heart stopped as he saw one of the Taliban soldiers that had been down rise to his feet with his weapon poised to fire – the man had Catherine dead to rights._

 _On instinct, he sighted his target and pulled the trigger, then pulled it again when nothing happened. The gun had jammed and all he could do was watch helplessly as the enemy fired and Catherine's body jerked with each bullet's impact; once, twice, three times before she fell backward in slow motion._

 _He couldn't move as he watched her fall. He was paralyzed except for the anguished cry that left his lips, but only for a second until the rage that suddenly filled him propelled him forward. He screamed her name as he lunged for the man who had shot her and broke the bastard's neck in one quick motion. He cared not where the body fell as he reached her side and dropped to his knees beside her, feeling desperately for a pulse at her jugular vein. There! It was weak, but he felt it. She was still alive! And yet he knew she was dying._

 _He forgot about where they were and the situation they were in. None of it mattered anymore. He grasped her hand and begged her to open her eyes, to stay with him, not to leave him. But her eyes remained closed and he saw her take her last breath and felt the life leave her body._

Then he would wake, always at the same point in the dream, and would invariably be trembling, his heart pounding and on the verge of hyperventilating. It felt so real, every time, that it would take him a few moments to remember that it was just a dream and Catherine had not died on a godforsaken road in Afghanistan.

The very first time he had the nightmare he had been surprised to feel wetness on pillow and realize he had been crying. He had laid there in the dark and scrubbed his hands over his face in an effort to rid his mind of the troubling images. Then, just like every time since, he had forced himself to remember that Catherine had survived that encounter, that his gun had NOT jammed and he had killed the man who was poised to take her life.

He found it helped him to try and relive a happier memory - a moment they'd shared only a few hours prior to that encounter with the Taliban.

 _Catherine was helping him herd goats in the right direction - turn them into an effective roadblock, and the difficult animals weren't cooperating. They were both frustrated and he looked up to see her watching him with a soft smile on her face. She looked so beautiful in that moment as the white scarf wrapped around her head contrasted her dark hair and eyes and the sun was shining behind her. He wanted so very badly to pull her to him and kiss her like there was no tomorrow, but they were out in the open in a dangerous region and might have been seen._

 _He couldn't hold back the smile he shot her way, though. Despite the fact they were on a dangerous mission in a war-torn country and about to take on three truckloads of Taliban soldiers to try and rescue a kidnapped boy, he couldn't help but smile. In that moment all the love he was feeling in his heart forced its way out and was shining on his face. Her smile widened in response to his and, although he wouldn't have thought it possible, she looked even more beautiful._

It was a happy memory that calmed and centered him and was the image he needed to carry with him - remembering how beautiful she looked and how happy he had felt in that short moment. He would always recall it when waking from the nightmare of Catherine's death at the hands of the Taliban and it would help. But the relief it brought was short-lived because he invariably awoke from the nightmare alone in his house, wide awake at some ridiculous hour and always wishing she was there to reassure him and help soothe him back to sleep.

He'd had that same nightmare more times that he cared to recall and had eventually come to theorize that part of the reason might be because his last memories of her were of that firefight, and how close she'd come to dying. In the past, when they'd had to part ways to go back to their duties with the Navy, he'd always had a chance to say goodbye. He'd always been sure to do that, just in case, and it had served him well.

But this time, he hadn't had a proper farewell. He hadn't had a chance to hold her, feel her safe in his arms in the aftermath. Even though his brain knew she was alive, he hadn't received the physical closure he needed after her close call. He longed to have her in his arms, feel her warmth and the comfort it always brought, but she was thousands of miles away.

And, once he had her in his arms again, he wasn't sure he ever wanted to let go so he had decided, after about the fourth time he'd had the same nightmare that he wanted her to officially move in with him when she got back. She'd practically been living with him before, but still kept her own place.

It seemed stupid now, that he'd selfishly enjoyed his time alone, the days and nights when she'd been at her house. But, having her so far away made him realize what he'd been missing. What was the saying - 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'? It sure seemed true in this case. Steve McGarrett was definitely realizing what he'd lost and planned to remedy that at the first possible opportunity. He just needed his lieutenant to come home.

* * *

Catherine woke with a start and looked around the cave in which she'd been sleeping. She blinked slowly before raising her hands to her face to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She was unsettled and struggled for a moment to remember why but regretted that as soon as the memory came flooding back. She'd been having the same nightmare again – reliving the last time she had seen Steve, injured and only semi-conscious after a grenade explosion and being loaded into the back of a truck by Taliban soldiers.

She'd had to choose between protecting the young boys they'd just rescued or trying to protect the man she loved. She had known what Steve would want – he was always willing to sacrifice himself for others who couldn't protect themselves - so she had stayed with those children, hiding, while he was hauled into the back of a truck and driven away.

She had known he was going to be tortured, and her heart broke with that knowledge, but she also knew how strong he was and prayed he could hold on long enough to be rescued. Because leaving him there to die was not an option; she had already failed him once and could not fail him again.

 _She approached the village quietly; checking to be sure the coast was clear before continuing the rest of the way. She had felt terrible leaving the boys with Amir and Farah at their pre-arranged meeting spot with an apology and too little of an explanation, but there wasn't a choice while Steve's life was hanging in the balance. She was frantic with worry and could feel it threatening to overwhelm her but knew she had to keep her wits about her._

 _Deeming it void of Taliban soldiers, she entered the village as quickly as she could without drawing undue attention and made her way to Amir and Farah's home where she retrieved the packs and the satellite phone from a hidden compartment. She unfolded the antenna on the phone and dialed Danny's number with shaking fingers. She forced herself to slow down after she entered one digit incorrectly and had to take a few precious seconds to correct the error._

 _As the call connected she quietly repeated, "Please pick up, please pick up" until Danny did so on the third ring._

" _Danny!" The connection wasn't great and she hoped he could hear her. She didn't have a lot of options to facilitate a rescue and time was of the essence._

 _The blonde detective's voice was staticky over the line. "Catherine, is that you? I can barely hear you."_

 _Her heart fell for a moment when she thought the call had dropped. "Danny, are you there?"_

" _Yeah, what's going on? Where's Steve?" Danny must have picked up on something in her tone, because she could hear the concern in his voice, even over the bad connection._

" _They've got him." She knew she didn't have time to mince words with Danny, but something about saying it aloud somehow made it even more real._

" _What do you mean? What are you talking about?"_

" _The Taliban – they've captured him." When Danny didn't respond right away she hoped he was still with her, but the clock was ticking on Steve's life so she just kept going. "Okay, Danny, listen to me. I need you to get ahold of Joe White. Tell him Umar Hassan is alive. Tell him there's a Taliban compound in the Panhshir Valley. I'm pretty sure that's where they're gonna take Steve. You got a pen?"_

 _She was relieved when he answered her immediately, his voice tight, but calm and controlled._

 _"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got one right now. Go ahead."_

 _She reminded herself not to speak too quickly. "All right, the coordinates of the compound are three-four, two-eight, niner North, seven-zero, two-two, three-one East."_

 _He repeated the coordinates back to her and she was relieved he had them correct. Then he asked her, "What about you? Are you safe?"_

 _She was distracted by the sight of a white pickup driving into the village as she answered Danny's question, "Yeah, yeah. I'm all right." She didn't need Danny worrying about her because he needed to focus all his attention on getting help for Steve. "Danny, I got to go. You just get ahold of Joe, okay?"_

" _All right, I'm on it."_

 _She disconnected the call and quickly took off out the back of the house – headed away from the village and into the mountains._

* * *

 _The thirty-six hours she spent hiding from the Taliban were agonizing as she wished with every fiber of her being that she could do more – be part of the rescue – but it just wasn't possible, no matter how much she wanted it. But she knew Danny loved Steve like a brother and would move heaven and earth to save him. If she couldn't be there for Steve herself she absolutely trusted Danny to have his back. But she was still terrified that they wouldn't be able to get to him in time. She was aching to have some knowledge of what was happening, but needed to conserve her phone's battery until she had a reason to make a call._

 _So she passed the time thinking – it was the only thing she could do. She thought about Billy Harrington - how he had died because she hadn't had his back. She knew she would always carry the emotional scars from that trauma. They had faded some with the passage of time and mostly due to Steve's unconditional love and support. Billy had been her friend and she would always miss him and blame herself, in part, for his death but she'd realized life could and would go on._

 _But with Steve's life on the line… He had trusted her to have his back and she had failed him just like she had failed Billy. Fear and regret constantly threatened to overwhelm her and the thought that Steve might not survive…_

 _She gave in to her tears twice, holding her blanket over her mouth to muffle the sound of her sobs. For the most part, though, she forced her emotions aside, just as she had been trained. She told herself that Steve would survive. He had to. And he would be better of without her. She no longer trusted herself to have his back. No longer deserved to have him in her life. He would be better off, safer, with Danny and the rest of the team looking out for him. She was a liability that he shouldn't have to carry._

 _But Najib? She could still help him. She had promised Amir and Farah that she would find him and bring him back. She had to keep that promise, had to do her absolute best to ensure at least one positive outcome for this mission – the ultimate goal hadn't changed. So, she passed the time waiting anxiously and praying the man she loved was still alive and would recover from whatever hell the Taliban had unleashed on him._

 _When she felt it was safe to do so she returned to the village and finally heard the news she'd been waiting for. Amir was able to confirm the word was the US military had carried out a raid on the compound, Umar Hassan had been confirmed actually dead, and an American hostage had been rescued alive._

 _She wanted nothing more than to speak to, or better yet, see Steve but her primary goal was to get him back to the relative safety of Oahu and if she'd made contact with him he never would have agreed to leave. So, she had another call to make to ensure he would make it home safely and was able to reach Danny at the base in Jalalabad.* Finally, once she learned Steve would recover fully and would likely be permitted to travel in a few days she was able to fully immerse herself in her mission. So, she set to work doing what she was best at – gathering intel and making a plan._

Catherine shivered under her wool blanket in the relative safety of her cave in the mountains. Reliving those events of four months prior still unnerved her, even though she knew Steve was alive and, she hoped, well on Oahu. They hadn't been able to communicate much – having shared a few phone calls and text conversations over the long months it had been since she had last seen him. She sat up and dug in her pack for a t-shirt of Steve's that he had been left behind. She felt silly, like a little girl with a blanket, but the item brought her comfort. She found it and curled up under her blanket with it, trying to get comfortable.

As time passed and she felt less and less confident that she'd find Najib alive it became harder and harder to be away from Steve. She still believed in her mission one hundred percent and was committed to finding the teenager and bringing him home. But she had wished, on more than one occasion, that Steve were there with her. She knew he would have made the trip back to Afghanistan the moment she asked, but to ask him to return would be selfish. To put him back in harm's way with only her for backup was not an option and she refused to do it. She still believed in her head he was better off without her, even though her heart felt differently. But she had never been weak. She had excelled at her training; both with the Navy and later with Steve (because he wanted to be triply sure she could take care of herself no matter what situation she found herself in).

She was grateful to him for it now as she relied on much of what he had taught her. But she was alone and lonely, and missing his companionship so much. Even when she'd been on active duty and they'd been apart for months at a time they had been surrounded by coworkers, teammates, others who relied on them to do their jobs and do them well – she had never before felt so alone for so long.

She still missed parts of what she'd left behind in the organized structure of Naval Intelligence. In her role as an Intelligence Officer she had always had her duties spelled out for her – had been given a task and known exactly what she needed to do to accomplish it. When she had been assigned to Pearl, though – that was just the icing on the cake. She loved her job, loved the people she worked with, and got to be on the island full time with Steve. They had never spent so much time in one place together and she treasured being able to see him on a daily basis, even if only for a short time because of their busy schedules.

But, the longer she was assigned to Pearl, the greater the chance she could be reassigned elsewhere, and the possibility of that had been a constant worry in the back of her mind. She had been considering a change, but the potential of it seemed so overwhelming. So when her old friend Billy Harrington presented her with an opportunity she was ready to make the decision to leave active duty. It seemed like the perfect fit – a civilian job that was tailor-made for her and would allow her to permanently stay where Steve seemed to have made his forever home.

But barely a month in Billy had died and she had been at loose ends and didn't know what to do with her life. She knew there were other firms that would hire her in a minute. But she also knew some of them would try to exploit what they would likely see as a direct link to the head of Five-0 and she didn't want to be in that position, for her or for Steve.

But he had been there for her again when he told her he didn't want her blaming and second-guessing herself for Billy's death because there was nothing she could have done differently. That she didn't have to forget about their friend or what happened she just needed to forgive herself a bit so she could move on. That she needed to find something that she wanted to do because putting her life on hold wasn't going to bring Billy back – and Steve had been right.

She had realized she could use her skills to help Chin-Ho Kelly find Adam Noshimuri, the man his cousin Kono Kalakaua loved and who had sacrificed himself to the Yakuza to keep her safe. She had single-handedly done the research and the legwork and then helped the team locate, grab and interrogate the mob boss who had the answers. They had learned that Adam had faked his death in hopes that Kono would stop looking for him and go on with her life. But Kono wasn't willing to give up on the man she loved and eventually tracked him down and brought him home where, as far as Catherine knew, they were still living happily.

Having a purpose, a direction, had brought her out of her funk after Billy's death and she was able to move on, taking a position at Five-0 and working every day side by side with Steve. But as the months had gone on she had felt like something had changed between them – like he'd become more distant. Or maybe Steve had been the same and she had changed – started wanting something more. But she had been happy, had enjoyed her job, loved her co-workers and had felt like she was helping to make a difference.

That all seemed so long ago now. After what happened with Steve on that dirt road, she was no longer confident she would still be an asset to Five-0. She didn't trust herself anymore in the field – at least not when other people's lives were on the line and it wouldn't be fair to ask Steve to give up something he had obviously been born to do. No, Five-0 was his family and he would always have them, even if she couldn't be a part of it anymore.

She hoped maybe, someday she'd be able to forgive herself and move on, like she had after Billy's death. It was all speculation until after she found Najib, though, because she had meant what she'd told Steve: That she couldn't even consider going back to Hawaii until she completed her mission. It wasn't lost on her, though, that she was having a hard time currently thinking of Hawaii as 'home' and she wondered what that meant. Would she ever make her home with Steve again?

* * *

*This refers to my story "Fair Winds and Following Seas" which was a coda to episode 4.21.


	2. Chapter 2

_I apologize for the delay on this chapter - it had been the shortest one and I felt it needed more. I'm still not sure about the last part, but there comes a time when you just have to go with it. I wanted to build in some nice McRoll history and touch more on how Steve's dealing with Catherine's absence as the time wears on, but there will_ _definitely start to be more drama in the next chapter - I'll try to get it posted soon._

 _I want to express my thanks to those of you who have reviewed, followed or favorited this story! The only real reason to post a story on this site is so others can experience and enjoy it so knowing you are out there reading makes it all worth while! I haven't received much feedback and am wondering if maybe the first chapter wasn't up to par, but I hope if you stick with it you'll enjoy the rest!_

* * *

 **Conquering Nightmares**

Chapter 2

Time continued to pass normally for most of Five-0's members, but Steve couldn't believe it had been only six months since he had laid eyes on Catherine because it felt like forever ago. He still missed her, but it was fading to a dull ache that flared up regularly and caused his heart to constrict and his gut to clench each and every time. Sometimes it was a sight or sound that would trigger a memory of her and incite the pain – every time he entered a restaurant they had frequented together, heck – whenever he entered his front door.

Sometimes, like now, he missed her on a professional level for what she had brought to the team. Five-0's current case was a doozy. Their murder victim's brother, a Marine First Lieutenant, was actually their prime suspect even though Steve hated to admit it. The Marine suffered from PTSD related to his time in Iraq and Five-0 was theorizing that he suffered a flashback and killed his brother accidentally, having mistaken him for an enemy.

They had not had the best success getting information out of the folks out at Kaneohe Bay and Steve was wishing for Catherine's finesse in dealing with the military, other US agencies, or foreign diplomats. She definitely seemed to have a knack for it.

Unfortunately, progress was slow and Steve was just about to the point of beating his head against the wall when they finally got a break. Max had been able to pinpoint a time of death and the victim's brother had a solid alibi and couldn't have been the murderer.

As much as Steve hated going back to square one, he had hated more the idea that one of his military brothers could go so far off course as to commit such a heinous crime. He certainly felt some relief that the Marine hadn't done it. He remained a bit shaken by the case, though, as the man's struggle with PTSD had hit closer to home than the SEAL would have liked. Eventually the evidence led them to their perpetrator and he was arrested without incident; it turned out to have been an unfortunate case of mistaken identity.

Once the arrest had been made and the killer turned over to HPD Steve sat at his desk finishing up his report. He was considering his plans for the evening, whether he wanted to be home alone with his thoughts or whether it would be better to have company, maybe keep himself out of his head for at least a little while. He had perfected the art of keeping things close to the vest and was grateful nobody on the team seemed to notice something was a little off with him, although he suspected Grover may have had an inkling. He realized, as he weighed his options, that he wouldn't have been able to hide anything from Catherine - she would call him out and make him deal with what was bothering him. He smiled wryly and shook his head thinking about it. God, he missed her.

In the end Danny made the decision for him, having been watching his friend's facial expressions as he approached the office door. He entered after a quick courtesy knock, "Hey, uh - what's with the smile?"

Steve sobered, his emotional armor back in place before he looked up at his partner. He didn't feel like opening the metaphorical door to what he was feeling. "It's nothing, Danny. You heading out soon?"

Danny regarded his friend, wondering what was going through the man's head and deciding how much to push. In the end he concluded this was not the right time so tried to compromise. "You want to grab a beer, maybe some dinner?"

Steve leaned back in his chair as he considered the invitation; decided it couldn't hurt and leaned forward again. "Sure, why not. Anyone else available?"

"Grover, maybe. Chin's already gone and I heard Kono talking to Adam about a reservation. You want I should ask him?"

Steve looked down at his laptop. "Yeah. I'm pretty much done with this." He saved the file and closed the computer, standing and reaching for his computer sleeve. "I'll be right there."

"Okay." Danny turned and left the office, intending to track down the former SWAT captain as his partner gathered up his things.

As Steve was zipping the laptop sleeve closed he looked down at the framed photo on the corner of his desk. It had been taken at Kamekona's shrimp truck about a month before he and Catherine had gone to Afghanistan. He couldn't believe it had been almost 7 months since lunch that day.

 _It was a quiet Thursday at HQ, there were no active cases so they were puttering around attacking a variety of tasks they didn_ _'_ _t often have time for. Kono had left thirty minutes prior for an early lunch date with Adam, Danny and Chin were in their respective offices finishing up some paperwork and working on updating some software on the team's personal computers and Catherine was doing the same on the smart table. Steve was inventorying their tactical gear and the weapons locker, checking what they needed to order more of. He finished closing up and locking the cabinet and turned to see Catherine facing away from the table, leaning back on her hands. She appeared to have been watching him._

 _He smiled at her and raised an eyebrow._ _"_ _See something you like, Rollins?_ _"_

" _Just admiring the view._ _"_

 _He cast a quick glance at Danny_ _'_ _s and Chin_ _'_ _s offices, seeing that they were both otherwise occupied for the moment and crossed the room to stand with his left hip against the table and his arms crossed. She turned to face him, mimicking his position._

 _Steve_ _'_ _s voice was husky as he asked quietly,_ _"_ _Really. Were you admiring anything in particular?_ _"_

 _She smiled coyly._ _"_ _Quite a bit, actually._ _"_

 _He uncrossed his arms and leaned in very close._ _"_ _Such as_ _…"_

 _She dropped her voice as if confiding something very personal._ _"_ _The blue sky, the white puffy clouds, the gentle breeze rustling the leaves_ _…"_

 _Huh. Not what he was expecting to hear. He leaned back, crossed his arms again and cocked his head to the side._ _"_ _Aren_ _'_ _t you supposed to be working?_ _"_

 _She motioned to the monitors._ _"_ _I am. I can_ _'_ _t do anything while the system reboots so I was distracting myself with other things._ _"_

" _Like the weather._ _"_

 _Catherine glanced over Steve_ _'_ _s shoulder to be sure Danny and Chin weren_ _'_ _t watching them and leaning in again she whispered,_ _"_ _Yes, and also noticing the way those pants fit you and thinking how much I_ _'_ _d like to get to what_ _'_ _s underneath._ _"_

 _He held her gaze, seeing the desire in her eyes and felt a familiar warmth starting to spread through his body. But they were at work, in the middle of the bullpen, and now was not the time. He scrubbed his hands over his face._ _"_ _Cath,_ _"_ _he moaned quietly,_ _"_ _You_ _'_ _re killing me here._ _"_

 _She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head just slightly._ _"_ _Plenty of time for that later, Sailor._

 _He shook his head and chuckled. "We need to get out of here. What would you say to lunch?"_

" _I'd love to. Should we invite Danny and Chin?"_

" _Probably a good idea," he said with a grin and dropped his voice again, "otherwise I might have to hogtie you to make you behave."_

 _She raised one eyebrow suggestively. "Promise?"_

 _He moaned again before saying decisively, "Time to go." He headed towards the glass doors, raising his voice as he called to their teammates, "Danny! Chin! You guys free for lunch?"_

 _An hour later the group was finishing up their meals at Kamekona_ _'_ _s shrimp truck. Chin was at the window ordering a second drink and chatting with Flippa when Danny_ _'_ _s phone rang. The blonde stepped away to take a call from Amber leaving Steve and Catherine alone at the table for a few minutes._

 _They were sitting next to each other and Steve playfully started to ogle the remaining few bites of his girlfriend's meal. She covered it with her hands, telling him in her teasing voice,_ _"_ _No way, mister, get your own._ _"_

 _He glanced around quickly and leaned in to steal a kiss while simultaneously stealing one of her shrimp. He grinned as he sat back and popped it in his mouth and she just looked at him for a moment before she shook her head and laughed. Her smile lingered after her laughter stopped - it was the smile he loved; the one she reserved only for him._

 _Unbeknownst to them, Kono had arrived after finishing her lunch with Adam and watched their private moment as she approached the table. She snapped a photo with her phone before they noticed her presence and then as they looked over at her she asked them to pose for another shot._

" _Come on guys, one more._ _"_

 _Caught up in the moment, they obliged. Catherine leaned in closer to Steve with both of them facing the camera and Kono captured the image and their happy smiles. She quickly glanced at the photo and pocketed her phone as she joined them at the table, intending to download it upon their return to the office. Unfortunately, though, they caught a case right after lunch and the photo was all but forgotten._

* * *

Kono crossed paths with Danny as he stepped away from Steve's office while she approached it. She was intending to give the boss a quick update on her way out and she noticed him standing, staring at the framed photo on his desk. She knew it was the photograph she had taken of him with Catherine because it was the only one he kept where he would have eyes on it as often as possible.

She had come across the photo on her phone a few weeks after Steve returned from Afghanistan without Catherine. It was about a week after he had been cleared medically to return to full duty and all of them were breathing easier. Steve's mood was typically always sour when he was chained to a desk but those couple weeks after Afghanistan were worse than usual - which the team all attributed to their leader's stress about Catherine staying behind.

Kono had printed and framed the image and left it on the SEAL's desk, hoping he'd find and open the box in private. She, like their teammates, could clearly see their leader was struggling, but she had a different outlook than the men.

Danny, Chin and Grover had empathy for their boss. Danny and Chin both knew not having your significant other around was difficult and had personal experience with missing the women they loved. But, if he were being honest, Danny was still carrying some resentment toward Catherine. He knew, in his head, that she wasn't at fault for what had happened, but in his heart he blamed her a little for Steve being captured and tortured at the hands of the Taliban. He couldn't help it.

He had heard the live feed of the rescue when the SEAL team went in, took down the terror cell and got Steve out; he had witnessed how close his best friend had come to death and seen first hand the aftermath. He would never forget the sight of Steve's body; bruised, bloodied, pale and lying unconscious on a stretcher. Nor would he ever forget that almost immediately upon regaining consciousness the man could barely sit up but was ready to take on the Taliban single handedly if it would save Catherine. How he had lied to a superior office and endured a dressing down to protect her. No, Danny couldn't help feeling that Catherine had gotten Steve in a real mess and then called someone else to pick up the pieces.

And Danny had done so, because he loved the crazy Neanderthal like a brother and would support him no matter what. Part of him admired what Catherine was willing to do for the Afghani family she was trying to help. He also knew Steve understood and could relate to her motivations one hundred percent and didn't fault her for it. But Danny was struggling with what he had seen and experienced in Afghanistan and transferring some of the blame to the former Navy lieutenant was his way of dealing with it. So, he quietly supported his friend and partner, willing to listen and offer advice if asked and just kept an eye on him to be sure he didn't go too far off the rails now that his Ramboette wasn't there to help the idiot in line.

Chin, as usual, regarded everything with quiet reflection. He had suffered from but survived the excruciating loss of his beloved wife and knew Steve would get through this, whatever it brought, even thought the man in question might not have believed it himself.

Grover knew better than the others some of what Steve had been through in the past, due to their shared struggles with PTSD, and was keeping a close eye on his friend. He figured the man probably wasn't sleeping well and likely plagued by nightmares but thought it best to wait for Steve to come to him for help unless the SEAL became a danger to himself or others.

But Kono… Kono remembered nineteen months before, when Adam had been forced to leave the country for fear of retribution for his brother's death. She recalled vividly standing on the dock of a Chinese freighter facing the possibility of Adam leaving her and not knowing when he might return. She had made a split-second decision that she had never regretted - the decision to leave her life behind and accompany the man she loved on the run with nothing but the clothes on her back.

She and Adam had missed their families and friends, their homes, but they had worked together to stay ahead of the people who were hunting them. She also remembered how it felt to stand in an alley in Hong Kong and watch Adam give himself up to protect her. How she had watched him go and hadn't known for weeks whether he was dead or alive until Catherine had located, extracted and questioned a Yakuza lieutenant to get the location for the man in charge – a Yakuza oyabun named Riku Sato.

Kono would never forget how her team had travelled all the way to Hong Kong for forty-eight short hours to help her kidnap Sato and force him to reveal that Adam was in fact alive and had faked his death to keep Kono safe. She had refused to give up and rather than accompanying the rest of her team back to Hawaii she had stayed in Asia, alone, to find and eventually bring home the man she loved.

Kono felt that she could relate completely to what Steve was going through but knew he didn't really have the option to just disappear back to the Middle East to find and bring home the love of his life. He had responsibilities to his teammates and the governor. It was one thing for a member of Five-0 to take an extended hiatus, as she had done, or Catherine was going now, it was quite another for its team leader to disappear for months or maybe even years. Not to mention, according to Danny, the boss was now forbidden from traveling to that part of the world again, which meant a heap of serious trouble if he was discovered, not just for him but potentially for Catherine, too.

She knew Steve would do it, though. He would put his life on hold and everything on the line for any one of them, especially for Catherine. But her boss hadn't been given the choice that Kono had. He had not had the option to stay in Afghanistan to support Catherine in her mission. He had been captured and tortured by the Taliban, rescued by a SEAL team and then escorted out of the country as soon as he was well enough to travel. Kono knew first hand those feelings of loss and despair, the concern and heartbreak of having the one you love in danger and not being able to do anything about it. She had felt them as she watched Adam being forced into a car by the very people they had fled Hawaii to avoid.

So, she had wanted to do something for her friend, to try and ease his pain, even a little, and hoped the photo would provide the comfort she desired and not make the pain worse. But she knew her boss, how private he was, and that he wasn't comfortable letting the others see his emotions. So Kono had stayed late one night, under the guise of finishing up some work, and when everyone else had gone she had left a nondescript white box on Steve's desk where he would be sure to see it the next morning. She hoped he would be in early as he had been regularly since he returned from Afghanistan, so he could open it in private while the office was still quiet.

Her plan had worked flawlessly, although she too had come in early, hoping to see Steve's reaction.

 _She sat at her desk, working on her computer when he came in. He waved and wished her good morning then continued on to his office. She watched surreptitiously while he walked around his desk and sat down, noticing the box. He looked at it for a moment then glanced up and checked the surroundings, verifying no one else was in the office. He picked the box up, felt its weight and then took off the top, pulled back the tissue and stared at the contents for a full thirty seconds before lifting the frame from the box and sitting back in his chair with it cradled in both hands._

 _She saw him discretely wipe his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand before leaning forward and setting the frame on his desk, right next to his computer. Then he looked up and across the way to where she sat in her office, watching him out of the corner of her eye with a smile on her face._

 _He sat for a moment, as if considering something, then rose from his desk and headed out to the bullpen toward her office, stopping in the doorway._

" _I'm going to grab a cup of coffee. Can I get you one?"_

 _She smiled, shook her head and pointed to the mug on her desk. "No thanks, boss. I'm good."_

 _She went back to typing as he nodded and turned to head toward the break room then paused and turned again to face her._

" _Hey Kono?"_

 _She looked up from her screen, waiting for him to speak._

 _He cleared his throat. "The photo… that was you?"_

 _She smiled softly and nodded._

" _Thank you. I uh… Thanks."_

" _You're welcome, Boss."_

 _Steve swallowed and nodded then moved toward the break room but paused when she spoke again._

"Steve?"

" _Yeah?"_

" _I miss her, too. We all do. But she'll be back, right?"_

" _Yes, she will."_

He had sounded so confident back then – like there was no question in his mind that his lieutenant would be back and Kono continued to hope that was still the case. She pushed the door open, hating to interrupt his musings, and popped her head in to advise Steve she'd gotten a lead she would follow up tomorrow. He thanked her and offered a 'see you tomorrow' before she turned and headed out, letting the door close behind her.

Seeing that he seemed to be alone in the offices for a moment he lifted the photo off his desk and sat heavily in his chair, holding the frame in both hands. He leaned back, closed his eyes and sighed. He wondered where Catherine was at that very moment, what she was doing; hoped she was safe and well. They hadn't been able to communicate much recently because of a lack of opportunity to charge the satellite phone's battery but she was supposed to get in touch in six days and he waited anxiously for her call.

He opened his eyes again and gently ran his fingers down the image of her face, wishing he were running them down her arm or through her hair. He inhaled deeply, held it for a few moments then exhaled, practicing a technique he had learned in BUDs. He imagined his worry, stress and longing all leaving his body on the wings of the air he breathed out. He repeated the exercise three more times before he felt centered again and was just returning the frame to the desktop when his phone rang.

He swiped the screen and answered the call. "Danny, what's up?"

" _Hey buddy. We're waiting on you."_

"Yeah. I'm heading down right now."

" _Okay."_

Steve stood and was just lowering the phone from his ear when Danny spoke again.

" _Hey, Steve?"_

"Yeah?"

" _Everything okay?"_

Steve smiled. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised because his partner really was quite perceptive.

"Yeah. See you in a minute."

" _One minute. Don't make me come up there."_

Steve chuckled. "Nah. Wouldn't want you to have to exert yourself." With that he disconnected the call, picked up his computer and headed out of his office.

* * *

Danny pocketed his phone after hanging up with Steve.

"He okay?" Lou asked.

"Yeah. He's fine," Danny replied.

Lou eyed him. "Who you trying to convince? Me or you?"

"I'm not…" Danny started then changed direction. "He's fine. It's probably nothing."

"But you got a feeling, right?"

"Yeah," the blonde sighed, "I do."

Lou's eyebrows shot up. "You think he got some news about Catherine?"

"No. I think if something happened to Catherine we'd be standing in the smoking ruins of what used to be Honolulu."

Lou just looked down at the shorter detective and shook his head. "You have a tendency to exaggerate. You know that, right?" It wasn't really a question.

Danny sighed. "You know what I mean."

Lou nodded and exhaled heavily. "Yeah, I do. McGarrett's pretty good at keeping things close to the vest, though".

Danny, frustrated, linked his hands behind his head and pushed back against them. "Sometimes he's more dangerous when he's quiet." He exhaled sharply and dropped his hands to his hips. "I honestly don't know what he'd do if he got news like that," then added as an afterthought, "what any of us would do."

"How long you known her?"

"Ah… we met about four years ago. She came to visit on one of her leaves and Steve finally saw fit to introduce her to us."

Lou gestured for him to continue. "And…?"

Danny shrugged. "And… what. I dunno." He gestured wildly with his right arm as he spoke. "She's uh, she's great. We liked her, she liked us… The rest, as they say, is history." Danny smiled, remembering. "That was the second time she came to town. The first time he, uh, let's just say he kept her all to himself."

Lou waited for his teammate to continue and then, when no further information was forthcoming, swiped his hand through the air. "Go on."

Danny cocked his head, remembering. "It was a couple months after we started Five-0. We were supposed to be off for the weekend-" Danny chuckled, "-little did we know it was because our fearless leader was expecting company." He smiled fondly, recalling the situation. "But we get this case, friends of the governor's. Jameson not Denning," he said to clarify of whom he was speaking. "So I'm all pissed off, having to work on a Saturday when I'm supposed to have Grace and Steve's walking around with this grin on his face. I mean, I only knew him a couple of months, but I didn't know it was possible for the idiot to look that happy."

Lou leaned back against his SUV, arms crossed, getting into the story. "So it was because of Catherine?"

"Yeah. 'Course I gotta drag it out of him a piece at a time, but eventually he calls her for help with the case – she was working over at Pearl or something - and I finally put two and two together and yeah… Catherine's in town." Danny glanced up at Lou. "And all of a sudden stuff starts to make sense. Like why he doesn't look at women. I mean drop dead gorgeous, barely a stitch of clothing and drooling over the guy and it's like he just doesn't notice."

Grover smirked. "So he had it bad even back then, huh?"

Danny nodded. "I don't, uh… know all the history, but yeah - they go way back."

Lou continued to relax against his vehicle. "So they never talked about getting married?"

Danny guffawed. "Those two? He wouldn't even acknowledge she was his girlfriend until like a year ago."

Lou straightened. "Wouldn't even… And that didn't bother her?"

Danny snorted. "Not that I know of." He shook his head, a smirk on his face. "All I know is when anyone would refer to her as his girlfriend he would correct them."

"And I bet you felt it was your duty to do that a lot."

Danny shrugged, grinning. "Who me?" He sobered slightly before continuing. "I never understood it – it's not like there was ever any doubt he was all in with her." He sighed. "But that was then and now…"

Lou nodded, his expression grim. "Yeah."

Neither of them noticed Steve approaching until he called out to them, "Hey – sorry that took so long. I ran into the governor on my way down." He came to a stop next to Grover and took in the scene. "You guys good?"

Lou answered. "Yeah, just hungry. What do you say we get outta here?"

Steve nodded. "All right. Where to?"

Danny shrugged. "The Hilton?"

"Sounds good," Steve said and withdrew his truck keys from his pocket. "See you there?" he added and headed toward the Silverado which was parked a short distance away.

Danny walked around to the driver's side of his car as Lou stepped into his vehicle, started it and opened the window. He glanced over the Camaro's roof at Danny and said quietly, "He _seems_ good."

Danny looked up to gaze at the retreating form of his partner and nodded.

Grover said, "See you in a few," before he backed out of the space.

Danny opened his car door, slid into the seat and started the car's engine. He watched in his rearview mirror as Lou headed out of the parking lot before muttering a response to the man's inquiry. "Yeah. He seems fine… for now. But he won't really be good until he gets his girlfriend back in one piece." Then he sighed, put the car in gear and headed off to meet his friends.


	3. Chapter 3

_Again, thank you to everyone who is reading this story – especially to those of you who have reviewed – your feedback means a lot. This chapter contains spoilers for the 100_ _th_ _episode (5.07) and may not make much sense to you if you've not seen it (and if you haven't you really should because it's amazing). This chapter is slightly longer and a bit of a turning point - I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **Conquering Nightmares**

Chapter 3

He is confused, being plagued by some sort of alternate reality of his life and can't figure out how to stop it. And he wants to stop it because the alternate reality doesn't seem like somewhere he wants to stay.

His life is amazing – he is a Navy SEAL, a member of an elite special operations force who travels the globe in an effort to keep the world safe. His brothers in arms are family to him because he has little real family. His mother is dead but his father is alive; thanks to his new friend, HPD detective Danny Williams.

Victor Hesse, a terrorist whom Steve has been tracking for five years and who was indirectly responsible for the death of Steve's closest friend, Freddie Hart, has been halted before he could cause further damage by killing Steve's father as well. Working in tandem with Detective Williams he was also able to locate and take down a man named Wo Fat who had a grudge against Steve's family, the reasons for which the SEAL would likely never understand. It doesn't matter though, because the man is dead and can't hurt him or anyone he loves ever again.

He has a relationship he hopes will someday develop into more and Catherine, the object of his affection, is safely stationed on an aircraft carrier somewhere in the world and will answer the phone when he calls, excited to hear from him. And he tries to call as often as their crazy schedules allow, though it is never quite enough. But he is happy - his life is good and he wants to get back to it.

But there are flashes he sees of an alternate life, where he has put aside his Navy uniform and donned the hat of head of Five-0, an elite task force who does important work for the state of Hawaii. Where he has assembled an amazing team of friends and coworkers, his 'ohana, whom he loves like his family because they _are_ his family.

In the alternate life, though, his father is dead and his mother really isn't. Multiple people he trusted have betrayed him, he has been taken and tortured more than once and he consistently finds more questions than answers.

And his relationship with Catherine finally developed into more than he could ever have hoped for, but she is in Afghanistan and he probably couldn't reach her if he tried.

So when he wakes in a hospital bed after being kidnapped, tortured and drugged by Wo Fat, the harshness of his true reality is like a slap to the face and leaves him wishing for the alternative. And, after all – who could blame him?

* * *

It had been eight months since Steve returned from Afghanistan alone. It seemed to Danny that his partner had finally been getting used to his girlfriend's absence, though he suspected the man still wished every day that she would just come home.

But when Steve descended into an emotional tailspin after the encounter with Wo Fat it was his father who he asked for each time he awakened, feverish and confused. All Danny could do was remind him, each and every time, that his father had died four years before and try to comfort his friend as he experienced the loss over and over again.

The drugs eventually wore off and it seemed Steve was finally and permanently back in the proper reality. When that happened, though, once he was completely free of the hallucinogens, Danny could see him retreat into himself – into the place where he shut his emotions safely away – and the blonde wished harder than ever that Catherine were there to help Steve share the burden.

Danny thought it odd that his friend hadn't asked after Catherine but reassured him anyway that he had tried to reach her a few times but had been forced to leave messages - he assumed her sat phone was off to conserve battery life. Steve had just sighed and told Danny he was tired and didn't want to talk, so they let the matter drop.

Danny had left four short messages, didn't know how much he could say because, as Steve had reminded him on more than one prior occasion, it was an unsecured line. But the blonde hadn't heard back from Catherine, didn't know if she was aware of what was happening on Oahu but found that his partner seemed to become agitated whenever he brought it up so he stopped wondering aloud. But, that didn't mean he stopped wondering.

* * *

Catherine sighed and powered up her satellite phone. She knew if had probably been a bad idea to power it down for a week, but the only person she typically communicated with was Steve, and she'd needed a break from speaking with him for a bit. She noticed the message icon and assumed maybe Steve had called, wanting to visit an emotionally draining conversation they'd had 7 days prior. Briefly toying with the idea of putting off listening to the message for a few more days she checked the call log. There were four missed calls, all from Danny's number.

She hadn't spoken to Danny since just after Steve had been rescued from the Taliban eight months before and knew he wouldn't be calling now unless he had a damn good reason. With her heart in her throat she accessed the voicemail.

' _Catherine – hey it's Danny. Will you give me a call, please? Something happened to Steve and I think he'd want you to know. It's… well, I don't know how much I can say so please just call as soon as you can, alright?'_

' _Catherine, Danny again. Steve's in rough shape and I think he could really use you here right now. Any chance you can suspend your search for the kid and hop a plane back to Hawaii like, yesterday? Give me a call.'_

' _Catherine. I hope you're getting these messages because I think you need to know what's going on. It was Wo Fat, Catherine, you can imagine the rest. They say Steve is going to be fine, although they're keeping him here at Tripler for a while. It's been tough – we could really use you here. Please, please call me back.'_

' _Catherine, I'm starting to get worried about you now, too. If I have to tell Steve something happened to you… It'll uh – I think it might literally kill him. He's barely hanging on and he doesn't need any more shit on his plate right now. So I hope to God you're all right. Call. Me. Back… Please.'_

With shaking fingers she dialed the phone.

* * *

Danny's phone rang in the early morning hours in Hawaii a week after Steve's kidnapping. Danny was at his partner's house because, despite the man's objections, he had decided to sleep on his best friend's couch once the SEAL had been released from the hospital the previous afternoon. He wasn't sure what to expect when he answered the call with a sleepy greeting.

"Hello?"

"Danny? It's Catherine."

Danny was immediately awake. "Catherine. Jeez, where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for a week. Not really the best time to be ignoring your phone."

"I know. I'm sorry. My phone was… off. How is Steve? Your messages, you sounded… worried." She paused; bit her lower lip. Her voice was quiet when she spoke again, hesitant. "Is he okay? Danny, tell me he's okay."

"Physically, yes. He's actually sleeping upstairs right now."

"Good. Good." She paused for a beat and released the breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. "What the hell happened? You said it was Wo Fat?"

"He was… It was bad. The bastard had Steve for a day before we could get to him but in the end the crazy idiot saved himself. He killed Wo Fat before we got there – put a bullet right between the eyes. The bastard's finally gone, Cath. He can never hurt Steve again."

Catherine expelled a shaky sigh but didn't speak.

"Catherine, did you hear me? Wo Fat is dead. Gone. Steve killed him."

"Yeah, I did. I'm just…" Catherine was silent for a moment but Danny could hear her breathing. Long, somewhat irregular breaths, like she was trying to keep her composure. When she finally spoke it was with a tremble in her voice, "But he's okay. You said he's home now?"

"Yeah. He was at Tripler for a few days but they released him yesterday and I brought him home. Do you want me to wake him? I'm sure he'd like to speak to you."

Catherine answered quickly, "No! No, don't… don't wake him." Silence stretched between them again for a few moments. "Danny, does Steve know you've been calling? Did he ask you to?"

Danny noticed that Catherine sounded hesitant, unsure, worried. "Yes, I told him. No, he didn't ask me to call you but I thought he would want you to know, and frankly I was hoping you'd hop a plane outta there and get your ass home to help me with him. He was pretty out of it for a while there but the docs said he's on the mend and there's no reason not to be home. Plus, you know Steve. He uh, he couldn't get out of there fast enough." Danny sighed, remembering his frustration at some of his partner's antics the last twenty-four hours he'd spent 'tied to a bed'.

Catherine heard the resentment in Danny's tone and the unspoken accusation, even though he was trying his best to hide it. She needed to take a deep breath to calm herself before she spoke again. "I'm sorry, Danny. I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

"You don't need to be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for! Nobody knew this was going to happen! We couldn't have anticipated this. He was out for a drive in the Marquis and taken from the middle of the damn street! We didn't even figure out he was missing for hours and then it took us hours to find him – Adam finally got us a location but we still didn't get there in time." Danny shook his head, even though he knew Catherine couldn't see him. When he spoke again Catherine could almost hear the pride in his voice. "SuperSEAL saved himself. All that was left for us was clean up." Danny was quiet for a moment and Catherine was just about to speak when he continued. "He had been drugged, Cath. He was confused. When we found him… he thought his father was still alive." Danny had sat up and rotated so his feet were on the floor. He dropped his forehead into his hand before he spoke again. "I had to tell him… I uh, I had to remind my best friend that his father was dead." He looked over toward the stairs and didn't see Steve, but still felt like he needed more privacy for this conversation. "Hang on, I'm going to go outside."

Catherine couldn't respond because she was covering the mouthpiece of the phone as she cried but Danny didn't notice. He turned off the house alarm and went out the back to sit in one of the chairs down by the water.

"Catherine? Are you still there?"

Catherine composed herself quickly before answering. "Yeah, Danny. I'm here. Of course I'm here." There was again a slight tremble in her voice when she continued. "He was driving the Marquis? Alone?" Catherine didn't like where she was going with this but she had to ask, "When was he taken?"

Danny couldn't figure out why that mattered and the frustration was evident in his voice. "It was Tuesday, why?"

He heard her sharp intake of breath and realized how upset Catherine was even though, like her boyfriend, she'd always been able to do a pretty good job of covering it up. Now it was Danny's turn to breathe deeply. He wasn't trying to upset her and he wasn't sure how much more he should tell her; whether she needed to hear the details or not, but he knew he'd want to know if he were the person who couldn't be at a loved one's side when they needed him.

"Catherine," Danny paused, trying to decide what he wanted to say. "You don't need to… It doesn't matter now. He's over the worst of it and we took care of him. Chin, Kono, Lou and I – we took care of him and got him through and he's going to be fine."

When Catherine spoke again it was with a renewed determination, almost like she'd made up her mind about something. "You said it was bad, Danny. Tell me, I need to know."

Danny made a quick decision to gloss over some of his partner's injuries; she didn't need to hear all the gory details. "Yeah, no broken bones – he had some cuts and bruises, a bullet grazed his forehead but that just needed gluing. He mostly slept for a full day after we got him out. They think part of that was the exhaustion and part of it was the drugs in his system. They couldn't give him anything for the pain until the crap that bastard dosed him with had time to clear out, so it was good that he got some rest."

"What about the drugs, Danny? You said he was confused. What did they give him?"

"Hallucinogens. Something to disorient him and get him talking." Danny sighed heavily. "He wouldn't tell me everything so you'll have to ask him if you want to know more."

"I will." Catherine chose her next words carefully. She knew how close Danny and Steve were, but she also knew that there were probably things Steve would choose never to share with his partner. "Danny, how's he doing? I mean… has he been sleeping?"

Danny sighed. "You mean has he been having nightmares?"

Danny's response was all she needed to confirm her suspicion. "Danny, you need to get him to talk to you-"

"No, Catherine. _You_ need to be here. He'll talk to you. Stop hunting for that damn kid and come home." Danny was stressed, and too tired to mince words. "We needed you here a week ago. _He_ needed you here a week ago."

"Danny, give me the phone."

The blonde detective jumped when his partner spoke from right next to him. He saw the flash of emotion on Steve's face and recognized it as a little bit of anger and… something else. He realized he may have been a bit harsh with Catherine and would probably need to apologize to her when she finally got her butt back to the island.

Wordlessly Danny handed the phone to his partner. Steve took it, turned and walked back toward the house leaving his best friend standing by the water and watching his retreating form.

Steve waited until he was back in the house before he spoke, "Catherine?"

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Catherine couldn't help the small smile that spread across her face and could almost feel some of the tension ebbing from her body just from hearing Steve's voice over the line. She tried to keep the situation light. "Hey sailor. I hear you're a little worse for the wear."

Steve swallowed around the lump that was forming in his throat. "Yeah, I've been having kind of a shitty week."

Those words stung Catherine and she closed her eyes in an effort to keep her emotions under control. After taking a few deep breaths she was ready to ask a question she already knew the answer to. "Steve, you didn't tell Danny, did you?"

Steve expelled a frustrated breath and sat down heavily on the ottoman by his leather chair. "No, I didn't tell him. It's none of his business and I didn't… I didn't really want to talk about it."

When Catherine spoke again her words were a jumble of thoughts, not completely formed sentences. "Steve. When you… When you were taken… Danny said you were alone in the Marquis… Was it because of me? Am I the reason…?" Her words trailed off because it was too difficult to voice the thought.

Steve closed his eyes and held the phone away from his ear for a moment as he took a few more deep breaths to steady himself. "Yes. And no, Cath. I was out driving because I needed to think and wanted to be alone." He opened his eyes again before continuing, his voice confident, reassuring. "But it's not your fault. They wanted me and they would have gotten me. If not then, some other time."

"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry."

"Why? Because I was kidnapped and tortured by Wo Fat? Or because you broke my heart by deciding to make a life for yourself in Afghanistan?" Steve barely disguised the bitterness in his voice, not caring to really even try, and Catherine supposed she deserved it.

She knew she could not deny him even a little bit of his anger and disappointment. Even though she had never wanted to hurt him she knew without a doubt how very much she had. But she still cared; she always would. "Steve," she said, her voice soft, pleading, "How are you _really_? Are you having nightmares again?"

His tone was harsh when he snapped, "Again? I haven't stopped having them since you decided not to come home."

"Well, you're not the only one," she replied sharply, then inhaled deeply, working to hold back the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes. "I'm sorry, Steve. I… I just wanted to be sure you're okay."

He deflated at her words; he hadn't wanted to make her cry. It was too much work to be upset with her and he was too tired and too sore. His standard answer of 'I'm fine' was on his lips, but he held it back. He could hear her concern for him in her voice, but there was something else, and it made him want to be honest. "I've been better," he admitted.

He realized he wanted, _needed_ to unload some of the burden he was carrying and she was more than willing to take it, even now, after the conversation they'd had a week ago. "Cath… He drugged me. Wo Fat drugged me. Reality - it… changed. The mission I was on when my father… I was back there again, I was on the phone with Victor Hesse, but instead of the gunshot I heard Danny come on the line. HPD got there in time and my dad was alive."

Catherine could hear the emotion he was holding in and her heart broke a little for him but all she could do from thousands of miles away was to utter. "Oh, Steve."

He chuckled wryly, remembering. "I uh, I came to Hawaii to interrogate Hesse after HPD arrested him. I saw my Dad. Hugged him, had a beer with him – he was alive, Catherine, and so happy to see me. And Danny – he was here but different from when we first met. He was happy. He and Rachel were still married and he loved Hawaii – he wore the shirts, embraced the island culture. He was with HPD and so was Chin. He had never lost his badge and he was a Captain in the department – my dad called him the next Chief of Police. Kono had never blown out her knee; she was still a world-champion surfer and never became a cop. But everyone was happy in their lives." Steve was quiet for a moment before he said, "I remember a lot of it, but some of it is a bit hazy now."

Catherine spoke, "I can't imagine going through that, having to find out all over again about your dad. I'm sorry you had to experience that and I wish I could have been there for you – to help you get through it. I wish I could be with you now."

Catherine was trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice steady, and Steve could tell she was fighting tears. He was, too, if he was being honest. It was all just too much. The assault on his mind, his body, his heart was too much all at once and he felt the walls he had erected starting to crumble. He had never been able to resist letting her in, and this time was no exception.

"Cath, I miss you more than you could possibly know and want you to come home." His voice was soft, loving. He closed his eyes to try and summon the strength to say what he needed her to know. "But not if you don't plan to stay." He was working hard now to try to get a grip on the feelings that were coursing through him and finally starting to have some success.

Catherine was still fighting her emotions, though, and wiped first one eye then the other. She was touched by his honesty and openness. "Steve, I don't know what to do." She closed her eyes for a moment, to try and center herself. "You know I still lo-", Catherine stopped suddenly, took a breath, reconsidered her choice of word, "Care. Steve, I still care about you and I will never stop. You know that, right? And I miss you, too. I want to be there for you, to support you. Danny said-"

"I heard what Danny said," he interrupted her, "He's… he worries. I'm fine, just a little sore." The change in Steve's tone was so dramatic, so sudden that Catherine could visualize the barriers around his heart slamming back into place. "He's welcome to go home anytime he likes."

"Steve." She admonished his tone.

"Sorry." He mumbled. He was frustrated by his ping-ponging emotions but had a made a decision about his future with Catherine and was trying to stick by it.

 _The morning after Catherine had told him she wasn't coming home and she didn't think it was fair for him to wait for her he had taken that ill-fated drive in the Marquis. He had started building a resolve that morning and had reinforced it later, after the incident with Wo Fat and once the drugs had cleared his system and reality slammed into him again like a freight train. It was then, when Danny told him he had left messages for Catherine and Steve realized he would be having a conversation with her sooner rather than later he realized he had a decision to make._

 _During many days of doing nothing but recuperating in a hospital bed when he'd had time to think, roll things over and over in his head, he had come to a conclusion. He still loved Catherine and knew he always would. He was willing to wait for her, and didn't want to move on, but he couldn't reconcile the person who had left him behind with the woman he had loved for close to ten years. She had loved him too, through thick and thin when their relationship consisted mostly of calls and emails, seeing each other in person a few times a year. They had waited for each other then, stayed true to each other even when their feelings had not been quite so strong and it would have been easy for them to find other people and move on._

 _There had been one bump in the road part way in when he had behaved foolishly, when he had been stupid, scared of what they had and thought he was doing the right thing. She had moved on, as he had encouraged, and started dating another, which hurt Steve more than he could have ever anticipated, but he stayed away because anything else wouldn't have been fair to her. And then they found each other again, after she had ended her new relationship because she had realized she could substitute no other man for Steve McGarrett and didn't want to try. So they resumed their long distance courtship and never looked back. She had been there for him and he had relied on her despite the miles between them, and she had never let him down._

 _And then all of a sudden his world had turned upside down, losing Freddie and his dad within days of each other, transferring to the reserves and starting a new life on Oahu had sent him into a tailspin of sorts, but as always she had been there to listen as he worked through what had happened. She had supported from afar as he had worked to build a different sort of life with a home and new family. He was finally putting down roots and eventually she joined him on Oahu permanently and those roots, like their love, became stronger, sturdier, deeper._

 _But at some point something had changed. He thought it had happened some time during their last year together on Oahu but couldn't be sure of exactly what had happened, or when. All he knew was it started to seem instead of running toward him Catherine was leaving him behind._

 _He had thought about how he had done the same to her once before, when he felt like he could never give her what he thought she wanted or deserved. He had eventually come to realize that_ _ **he**_ _was what she wanted – just the way he was. So, he had decided to give her everything he was capable of and it seemed to have been enough. They were both active duty career Navy then and excelled at it. Each knew the life and understood that they couldn't always know when they would see each other so they just made the most of whatever interactions they did have._

 _Eventually, as time passed those Navy lives had morphed into something else. He led the way by making the decision to transfer to the reserves and never expected nor asked for her to follow him. He had been overjoyed when a couple years later she was stationed at Pearl and, a year after that, eventually made the choice to leave active duty. They would finally have stability, a permanency that had eluded them their entire relationship. He looked forward to being able to wake up each morning knowing she was in the same geographical location and not having a little voice remind him that she could be transferred to another posting or deployed again at any time without warning. He had grown to hate that voice a little more each day, week, month that passed as Catherine became more ingrained in his day-to-day life. Underneath the surface, where his life was a mess of long-woven conspiracies and unanswered questions he was happy, more content than he could ever remember being since his mother had not-really-died and his father had sent him away to keep him safe. He had finally had a life he'd wanted but never thought possible._

 _But what if the life they had been sharing wasn't what_ _ **she**_ _had wanted?_

 _The thought struck him like lightning strikes a tree. It hit him either very late one night or very early one morning when he still in the hospital recovering, still on a mild painkiller which left his mind impossibly relaxed and his body on the verge of sleep._

 _After that realization he had spent the remainder of a mostly sleepless night trying to answer the question he had asked himself, thinking back over what had happened the last five years. He had neither consulted nor included her in his decision to leave the Navy, to settle in Hawaii. He had assumed she would be happy for him, for them, because at least one of them always knew where they would be. He had known she loved the islands, had spent time there when the Enterprise was at Pearl, and assumed she would want to live there. His team had taken an instant liking to her, and she to them (once he had finally stopped hogging her all to himself and introduced them). Over time she had become more to each of them than just their teammates' girlfriend – she was enfolded into their 'ohana as well._

 _ **His**_ _home._ _ **His**_ _team._ _ **His**_ _life. In leaving the Navy she had made a decision that forever altered_ _ **her**_ _life so she could better be part of_ _ **his**_ _. And what had he done? Although he'd let her get closer, he'd still kept her at a distance. She stayed at his place most of the time, and he couldn't imagine not having her there, but he had never officially asked her to move in, to give up her place. He had never seriously considered marriage, believed she didn't want that, not really. He had never even expressed his love for her, until maybe it was already too late. What had he been afraid of?_

 _He knew the answer. People like Edward Cobb, Wo Fat - dangerous men who would have no qualms about using the woman he loved to get to him; El Condor, who had actually done it. Steve still wasn't sure how they had gotten out of that situation largely unscathed and it still unnerved him how close he had come to losing her forever. He had needed to protect her because he couldn't bear the thought of losing her. And by protecting her he had helped drive her away. In recent years he had finally come to understand why his father had sent him and his sister away, how John McGarrett's need to protect the children he loved was strong enough to forever sacrifice his relationship with them. Steve remembered telling Danny something once, early on in their partnership at a time when he thought Hiro Noshimuri was the worst of his troubles. He had pointed out to Danny at the time that he was not like his father because he didn't have a wife and children to protect._

 _At that time his relationship with Catherine had not been public knowledge and she had been safely ensconced on an aircraft carrier somewhere in the Persian Gulf. But over the years that had changed, thanks to the press and his high-profile job._

 _It seemed so clear to him now what he hadn't seen then. He had thought by not making it official, not bestowing upon her the title of 'wife', she would be safer. But just by loving her he had unintentionally painted a target on her back anyway, just like John McGarrett's investigation had done for his children._

 _But Steve couldn't, wasn't willing to do what his father had done, drop the investigation, stop asking questions. And Catherine wasn't a child. She was a grown woman who was more than capable of taking care of her self._

 _Except sometimes that wasn't enough. Steve had always know that, but it was driven home for him when she was kidnapped and held by El Condor, and again months later when she was shot the night Billy Harrington died. And she, like him, was too strong, too stubborn to let it keep her down so she eventually got back on the horse and kept right on going with her life. She didn't want to be protected, hidden away and be kept safe._

 _Looking back on it now it occurred to him that he had subconsciously increased the emotional space between them after that, had closed himself down a bit. He had experienced a little taste of what it might be like to lose her to violence and it had affected him deeply._

 _What an idiot he had been. He realized now that titles didn't matter. He would be as devastated as any husband if something were to happen to her. He was no stranger to loss, having experienced it so much in his life, but facing the loss of the woman he loved, that he had finally and wholly given his heart to seemed impossible._

 _When he had brought her in to the fold of Five-0 he felt better knowing she again had a team he trusted to watch her back. He had enjoyed seeing her all day, every day but even though they never struggled with it, he had discovered there were some burdens that came with a superior/subordinate relationship at work and a personal partnership at home. At some point had she stopped spending the night as often, instead choosing to go back to her place. And he had not encouraged her to stay, or made the effort to join her at her house. He wasn't even sure that he behaved any differently but she must have sensed… something._

 _But they had been good – they settled in to a rhythm and were happy. Then the fact that life is short and unpredictable had slapped Steve again in the face when he and Danny were trapped in a collapsed building. From the moment after the explosion when he regained consciousness and discovered the reality of their situation he had needed to steel himself to the possibility that he would not make it out, or that he would survive only to find out that Catherine was also trapped, or already dead._

 _Whether it was luck or the grace of some higher power that had kept Catherine out from under the rubble Steve didn't know and didn't care, but he had escaped and had been once again reunited with his beautiful lieutenant. In those first moments he had been so thankful to have her in his arms again and felt such an outpouring of love and gratitude for the woman he had held so tightly.  
_

 _But that euphoria had been short-lived when he learned less than an hour later the bomb that brought down the building had been orchestrated by a man from his mother's past who was just trying to stop Steve asking questions he didn't think should be answered._

 _And then Steve had felt like he'd been slapped again, even harder, because an innocent man had died and his partner, his teammates,_ _ **Catherine**_ _, had all once again been endangered because of the truths he sought. He had pursued and neutralized the immediate threat, Edward Cobb, but after that incident his guard was back up and his determination to keep Catherine safe by keeping her at a distance renewed._

 _The cold, hard truth was instead of bringing her in closer, making the most of the time they had together he had subtly been pushing her away. And she had decided to go. And maybe she had never truly been content with their new, stable life in paradise._

 _After several more hours of lying quietly in his hospital bed and searching his soul Steve made a decision - he could not ask Catherine to come back. He couldn't ask her to return to Hawaii because she probably would (he hoped). And if she came back now, for him and because of what he'd been through at the hands of Wo Fat, it would probably be temporary. She would likely leave again and he couldn't bear that._

 _He had experienced a taste of a stable relationship with her and he didn't want to go back. He had been willing to wait for her to complete her mission to find Najib, because it was something honorable that she needed to do and he could relate to that. He had assumed, at the beginning, that she had every intention of coming home at the end. But something had obviously changed._

 _He thought back to the conversation they'd had when she told him she'd found Najib but wasn't coming home – recalled how she sounded confident, her voice steady. But he also recalled an undercurrent of something and he had hoped it meant her decision to stay in Afghanistan was hurting her. Not because he wanted that for her, he had always been willing to take the burden of pain if it meant sparing her. It was because if being apart from him caused an ache in her heart it meant she still cared, still loved him. And he knew if she had made a choice to stay thousands of miles away she must have found something there that he couldn't offer her._

 _So he came to a decision just as the breakfast trays were arriving early in the morning at Tripler that if she ever came back (and God, he wanted her to) it would have to be_ _ **her**_ _choice, and because_ _ **she**_ _wanted to share a life with him in Hawaii._

 _And he had realized part of him desperately wanted to speak with her, to unburden some of his emotional baggage and welcome the comfort only she could offer. But another part of him had been dreading the phone call and hoping, when the call came, he would have the strength to maintain his resolve_.

And now, as he sat in his Living Room, with Danny's phone to his ear it occurred to him that he had had good reason to be dreading this very phone call. It was even more difficult than he had anticipated and he was starting to crack. He was so tired, his body was still sore in places and he missed her, the woman he loved, so much and it would be so easy to just tell her to come home.

He pulled the phone away from his ear for just a moment, hoping she wouldn't hear the deep breath he had to take to steel himself for what he knew he needed to say. He rubbed his hand down his face and opened his eyes to look at his feet before continuing, "Catherine. I love you. But I couldn't handle it if you left me again. Please… just don't… don't come home unless you're sure you want to stay. I know you told me not to wait for you and I understand why. But I'm willing to keep waiting, as long as someday you'll be coming home for good."

Steve looked up at that moment and saw his partner standing just inside the back door, listening. He frowned, wondering how much the blonde detective had heard, but then realized he was too tired to care. It was all out there, anyway, so he inhaled and exhaled once before continuing, "This… what happened with Wo Fat doesn't change anything. If you don't want to make your life here with me than just stay there. Will you do that? For me?"

Steve almost forgot to breathe while he waited for her answer and felt relief rushing through him when it came.

"I need some time."

"Of course."

"I'm glad you're okay," she said, "And I hope you're telling me the truth about that."

Steve nodded, even though she couldn't see him. "I am."

"Will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"Let you friends be there for you. Especially Danny."

"I'll try."

"Okay."

Silence stretched between them, across the long distance that separated them physically and emotionally. Steve was painfully aware that he still had an audience and looked up at his partner standing in the doorway. "Cath, I uh - I gotta go."

"Okay." She sighed. "Hey Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"I still love you, too. Remember that."

"I will. Aloha."

"Aloha."

And with that Steve disconnected the call and tossed his partner's phone on the side table. He looked up at Danny expectedly. When the blonde didn't say anything Steve raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Do I get my phone back?"

Steve snorted, dropped his head and slowly shook it like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, man." He rose and picked up the phone, walking toward his partner with his arm extended. "Here."

"Thanks." Danny took the phone and, realizing he didn't have a pocket to slide it in to, gestured toward the Living Room, "You want we should go sit?"

"Yeah."

Steve turned and led the way back to the Living Room where he settled in the recliner while Danny took a seat on the sofa and pulled the blanket he'd been sleeping under across his lap. A somewhat awkward silence reigned for a moment before Danny spoke again.

"So, Catherine. She's uh, she's not coming home?"

"Come on Danny. I know you overheard our conversation."

"Fair enough." Danny nodded once. "When did this happen? And were you ever gonna tell me?"

"Last week Monday, and I hadn't decided yet." Steve leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Probably. Eventually."

"Shit, man. That sucks."

Steve scrubbed both hands over his face. "Yeah," he mumbled.

Danny leaned over, so he could better see Steve sitting in the chair. "Steve?" He waited for his partner to sit forward and look over at him. "I'm sorry, babe."

Steve met his friend's gaze and sighed. "I know, Danny. Thanks." He looked at his partner for a few moments longer before leaning back again and looking toward the back yard.

Danny was having a hard time reading his partner and found he wasn't sure what he could do for the man right now. He knew he would have to tread carefully because he was angry with his friend's girlfriend but figured Steve didn't need or want to know about that. He decided to let the other man take the lead and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Steve sighed and it was obvious he was exhausted. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "What's there to say? She found Najib, and he's fine. She brought him home and decided she wanted to stay in the village, help them, teach the kids some school. She doesn't think it's fair for me to wait for her and she told me so. That's it."

"That's… that's it?" Danny was up and starting to talk with his hands now while increasing in volume. "You've had a relationship with this woman for how many years, you went with her to Afghanistan where she got you tortured and almost killed by the fricking Taliban, then she-"

Steve stood suddenly. "Danny!" The SEAL's tone left no room for interpretation and his eyes were flashing as he glared at his partner. "That's enough."

Danny faced his friend and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, man. I am. That was uncalled for."

Steve nodded and sat again, heavily, on the chair.

Danny also sat, on the arm of the sofa so he was facing Steve. "So, you told her not to come back now?" Steve nodded. "Is that what you really want?"

Steve hunched over, resting his elbows on his legs before he answered his friend's question. "I want her to have never left. I want her to _want_ to be here with me. But I don't want her to come back and then leave again."

"I thought you guys were good. You seemed happy."

Steve somehow seemed to deflate even further right before his friend's eyes and his voice was deep and rough when he spoke, "Yeah, I thought so, too."

And Danny realized, with a sinking feeling, that even though his partner was finally through with Wo Fat his nightmares were likely far from over.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you again to everyone who has taken a couple minutes to leave a review, the feedback is very much appreciated. I was happy that many of you had positive comments about the last chapter. I was particularly proud of that one and happy you liked it, too. I'd like to extend special recognition to LuckyStarPham whose review prompted me to add a bit more to this chapter - I feel the story is better for it._ _I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 **Conquering Nightmares**

Chapter 4

Two months had passed and Steve and Danny hadn't spoken of Catherine again in that time. Danny knew Steve didn't want to talk about it and he didn't want to risk their friendship over it. Besides, it wouldn't resolve much. He had seen changes in his friend, though, and wasn't sure whether they were a result of the situation with Catherine, or maybe the aftermath of what his partner been through at the hands of Wo Fat.

Someone who didn't know Steve as well as he did probably wouldn't notice. Danny guessed the man had probably shoved everything he'd gone through into a secure box somewhere in his mind in order to go on with his life. He kept up his routine, worked hard, exercised, spent time with his friends. On some level he somehow seemed more at peace and Danny wondered if that was due to Wo Fat's death and the resulting weight that must have been lifted. But he knew his friend was heartbroken by what he assumed was the end of his relationship with Catherine and he was a little bothered by how well the man seemed to be handling it. When Danny's marriage had ended he had been a mess, drowning his sorrows in a bottle every night and it was because of his brother Matty's support he made it through to the other side. But Steve didn't seem to need to lean on anyone – he was just… Steve. Danny supposed he shouldn't complain. An emotionally distraught Steve plus firearms probably wouldn't end well, after all – but it didn't stop him from being concerned about his best friend.

Steve told him how Ellie was trying to set him up with a friend of hers, how Ellie had said this friend was perfect for him and he had replied there was no such thing. Danny flinched at that, remembering how he had believed once upon a time that Steve and Catherine were perfect for each other and had told the man so. He supposed Steve was probably remembering, too. He knew his partner wasn't ready to move on with someone else. Knew the impression Catherine had made on Steve's life and the hole she'd left behind still hurt and he either wasn't ready to risk that again or wasn't ready to let the relationship go completely.

Steve never said they had broken up, he had just told Danny that she wasn't coming home and had told him not to wait for her, which Danny assumed meant she didn't intend on coming back any time soon, if ever. He wasn't sure what happened, how the relationship between the SEAL and his Ramboette had gone sideways, but it wasn't his business and he hadn't asked. So, life went on and he continued keeping an eye on his partner, although after they got through the Wo Fat thing in one piece he figured the rest would be child's play.

Still, he continued to make the effort – inviting his friend over to watch a game, to join him at a restaurant for dinner or offering to hang out at Steve's and have a beer. Although the SEAL never acknowledged it Danny felt they had made an unspoken agreement - Steve agreed to one of his invites a few times a week and Danny let him politely decline on other days and tried not to worry too much about his partner spending so much time alone.

* * *

It was one of the nights Steve had begged off Danny's invite to Side Street that Five-0's leader sat in his darkened living room, nursing a Longboard beer. His shoulder was aching, as it sometimes did in certain weather situations or after a particularly hard take down, and he hoped the alcohol would provide a little pain relief and help him relax. He needed to keep a clear head though because earlier in the day Kono had given him something to think about.

 _They were alone in the bullpen standing at the smart table while she brought him up to speed on what she'd discovered about their most recent victim's relationship to one of the current suspects. Steve complimented her excellent work and asked her to follow up with the victim's former employer before turning to head into his office._

" _Hey, Boss?" she asked._

 _He turned back to face her. "Yeah?"_

" _Have you heard from Catherine lately?"_

 _Steve seemed a bit uncomfortable before he answered. "Uh… yeah."_

 _She waved her hand in a 'more information please' manner. "And," she said, drawing out the word, "How's she doing? Any leads on the kid?"_

 _Steve was quiet for a moment before he scrubbed both hands over his face. "She's okay. She, uh… she actually found Najib and got him home safe."_

" _All right!" Kono exclaimed, "So when's she coming home?"  
_

 _Steve sighed. "She's uh… she's not coming home," he said, then added as an afterthought, "Yet."_

 _Kono's surprise registered on her face. "What! Why?"_

" _She's doing some teaching at the little school, trying to help the kids," he said, his voice resigned. He intentionally left out the part where she told him not to wait for her. Verbalizing it somehow made it seem more real._

" _Did she tell you how long she's planning to stay?"_

 _Steve shook his head and replied, "Not too long, I hope."_

" _Me, too_." _She sighed. "I know you miss her. I miss her, too."_

 _Steve nodded in reply, then flashed her a quick, grateful smile. "We uh, we good?"_

 _She returned his smile and nodded. Just as he was turning back toward his office she stopped him again. "Hey Steve?" she said softly, "Adam ran away from me once. I don't like to imagine where we'd be now if I hadn't found him and brought him home."_

 _He considered her words for a moment before nodding his head and proceeding to his office._

Sitting now in his house Steve reran his conversation with Kono over and over, like instant replay in his head. 'Adam ran away… found him and brought him home'. He laid his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. He had heard his younger teammate's words and understood her point. But Catherine hadn't run away from him – he had left her behind. But were the two mutually exclusive?

Suddenly, he opened his eyes and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Kono had fought for Adam. She had refused to give up. And what had he done for Catherine?

Suddenly, Steve couldn't sit still. He stood and started pacing, one thought running through his head; that he hadn't fought for Catherine. He stopped walking and scrubbed both hands over his face. What if she _was_ running away? What was he going to do about it?

* * *

Catherine skimmed her hand over the top of the tall grasses in the field across which she walked on the way to the village. She sighed, lost in her thoughts. The evenings were always the toughest, when she was alone and didn't have the kids and their lessons to distract her from her musings. Her last conversation with Steve had given her so much to think about and now, two months later, she still didn't feel as though she knew what to do. She still wasn't comfortable with the idea of being responsible for the lives of others, especially Steve. And she didn't think he would be able to understand that, much less accept it. And if she ever returned to Hawaii he would probably expect her to return to Five-0. And why shouldn't she? It was an elite job that allowed her to continue serving her state and in extension, her country. She had been able to work with an amazing team who were also members of her 'ohana. And Steve. She got to work with Steve – every single day. For how long had the prospect of doing that very thing seemed like an impossible dream? Add to all that she was damn good at the job and it seemed like a perfect fit.

So why did she feel anxiety flood her at the very prospect?

Because Steve was a man on a mission. Always. He dove head first into the fray and counted on his backup to provide the needed support to ensure successful completion of an operation. And that's what Five-0 did; they were a well-oiled machine working in conjunction with HPD and SWAT when needed.

But she couldn't be his back up any more. Not the way he needed her to be.

Watching Steve being taken by the Taliban and knowing the fate that certainly awaited him had shaken her to her core - she had never been so terrified. She had always known he was in dangerous situations more often than she cared to think about during his time with the SEALs, it was the nature of the job, but she usually only heard about the missions gone wrong or the injuries once he had been debriefed or was speaking to her from the safety of a communications tent on a US military base.

But she had never been on the front lines with him while they were both in the Navy; that had been a new experience while they were in North Korea to retrieve Freddie Hart's body. And that mission had ultimately been successful – they had had each other's backs and some luck on their side and they got home safely with their previous cargo in tow.

So why had Afghanistan been different? She supposed it was because instead of facing the prospect of dying alongside Steve she had faced the prospect of living her life without Steve, of being responsible for his death. The fear would have crippled her if she'd let it, and she'd had to fight with everything she had - use every bit of her years of training and experience to keep it at bay so she could see the mission through to the end.

When had she become so weak? She had always been strong. She'd had to be because she knew early on that weak people don't graduate at the top of their class from the Naval Academy or pursue and excel at a career in the Navy. And to achieve those successes as a woman, no less; that didn't happen to people who couldn't hold their own.

But then she'd fallen truly and hopelessly in love with Steve McGarrett and gotten a taste of how their life together could be. She dared to imagine their future navigating life as partners - always having him to come home to, maybe someday being married and growing old with each other for company until the end. And she had been happy - honestly and truly happy.

But she hadn't stopped to consider the downside of being that content until the day a building collapsed on top of the man she loved. It was on that day that the reality of how life altering it would be to lose him slammed into her like a freight train.

But he had survived, and she knew she had been a big part of that – helping search and rescue locate and communicate with Steve and Danny, who had the unfortunately been trapped along with his partner.

She knew he had an excellent team backing him up and, once she joined Five-0, that she could be part of it. Steve was never reckless with his life or others – despite what Danny thought sometimes. He was one of the best of an already elite group of specially trained personnel and had seen and done things Danny would never experience. The bottom line was Steve McGarrett was a force to be reckoned with.

But, he wasn't invincible and she had almost lost him for good more than once during the course of their relationship. And she had learned to live with that because she trusted him and knew he would always do his best to come home to her. But when he almost didn't make it home from her personal mission to Afghanistan because he was protecting her and she failed to protect him… That had been too close and she hadn't known how to live with that.

But then, just a week after she'd decided he was better off without her she'd learned he'd been kidnapped by Wo Fat and she momentarily forgot all the reasons she had decided to stay away and was ready to get on a plane to be by his side if he asked her to. But he hadn't. He had asked her to stay away unless she was coming home for good.

 _Home_.

Was Hawaii still her home? She wasn't sure – but she knew without a doubt that home would be wherever Steve was. The realization that once again he had been in a dire situation from which he might not have emerged alive made her regret the time she had chosen to spend away from him. She longed more than ever to be with him but didn't think it was fair to ask him to leave his home. She had been starting to wonder if there could be a way for her to return to Oahu - to her life with Steve, but she wasn't sure she could return to Five-0 and didn't think Steve would understand that. It all seemed improbable…

She was pulled from her musings as she came into sight of the village, stopped short, immediately dropped to a crouch and swore. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she had failed to notice the small pickup truck that was parked on the main road leading into the village. Making the situation worse was one of two Taliban soldiers gesturing to his companion to follow as he jumped down from the bed of the truck and headed in her direction. But the proverbial nail in the coffin was she was in the middle of a field of tall grass with nowhere to go and no options. She had a brief moment to hope Steve wouldn't blame himself for her death before she returned her thoughts fully to the situation at hand and tried desperately to come up with a plan.

* * *

Steve had stopped shaving and now had about a week's worth of growth on his face. The only time Danny had seen his partner with this much facial hair was after he was falsely imprisoned for Governor Jameson's murder. His behavior had changed, too – he was more on edge, more aggressive. Danny had had enough of it one afternoon after the former SEAL had thrown himself in the line of fire and taken two shots to the vest and one to the arm. By the time Steve and Chin (because Danny knew _someone_ had to make the Neanderthal go and he didn't think confronting Steve at the hospital would accomplish anything) returned from the ER, the Jersey transplant's simmer had reached a boiling point.

"What the hell's the matter with you!"

Steve and Chin were both visibly shocked by Danny's sudden and unexpected outburst and it was Steve who spoke first. "Danny, I'm fine. It's just a flesh wound – a couple stitches, that's all."

Danny deflated some at the sight of Chin slinking off to his office. _Coward_. "That's… that's good. But there's something else going on with you." He gestured vaguely towards his friend's face. "What's with the beard? Did you lose your razor or something? And the whole jumping in front of bullets, not waiting for backup - you trying to get yourself killed? Because I'd very much like to stay alive, if you don-"

"The bullets I jumped in front of were meant for you," his friend softly reminded him and Danny's entire head of steam dissipated.

"Yeah." Danny's shoulder's slumped. "I guess I owe you a thank you."

Steve shrugged in his self-depreciating way. "Not necessary. But you're welcome." Steve motioned toward his office. "So, we good?"

Danny nodded and Steve walked past him, headed toward his office, not realizing the blonde detective was following him until he turned to sit behind his desk.

"Jeez, Danny! What the hell?" he asked, frustrated.

"I thought we'd be more comfortable in here," Danny replied. At his partner's glare he continued. "You didn't answer my question."

Steve glared at the shorter man, but Danny didn't back down.

"Fine," Steve said, as he gestured to one of the chairs in front of his desk, "You want to sit for this or should we stand?"

"I'll take a seat, thank you Steven."

Steve couldn't help the ghost of a smile that crossed his face as he shook his head at his partner's antics. He perched on the corner of his desk facing Danny and made the universal gesture for 'get on with it'.

Danny's tone was caring, instead of accusatory. "What's going on with you?"

Steve sighed. "I'm fine Danny. Really. I just haven't been sleeping well, I guess."

"And the beard, what-"

The ringing of Steve's phone interrupted Danny's question. The SEAL glanced at it and immediately became agitated.

"Hold on. I need to take this," he said. When Danny didn't move Steve's agitation grew. "In _private_."

Danny huffed and rose from the chair. As Steve waited for his partner to leave he seemed to become more frustrated with each ring of the phone until he could hold out no longer and finally answered it asking, "Hello? Hello… Cath is that you?

Danny immediately stopped his exit and turned back toward his partner. The man had the phone at one ear and a hand at the other as if it was a bad connection and he couldn't hear the other party.

"Amir? What happened?" The tension in his partner's body was palpable. "I've been trying to reach her. Is she…" Steve's eyes closed and his shoulders sagged. "Yes... I will… Amir? Thank you."

He disconnected the call and immediately placed another one, no longer seeming to care that Danny was in the room.

"Joe. I need you to get me into Afghanistan… Not an issue… Alex Jones… ASAP… Okay, call me back." He disconnected the call, placed his phone back in his pocket and was suddenly all business. He moved around his desk to the cabinet where he kept a safe, entered the combination, opened it and pulled out a passport and some other papers. Only when he turned back to his desk did he notice his friend watching him, the man's face aghast.

Steve closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and deliberately before he opened his eyes and met his partner's, waiting for the storm that was coming. Danny didn't disappoint him.

"You're going back to Afghanistan? Do you realize what a ridiculous idea that is? I mean we're talking stupid, idiotic, shockingly bad… What's to stop them from arresting you on the spot?"

"Danny, I have to. Catherine's in trouble."

Danny sighed. Of course she was. And of course Super SEAL would risk anything for the woman, even though she'd broken his heart. And there was nothing he could do or say to change his partner's mind. His hands were calmer when he spoke again. "What kind of trouble? How bad?"

"Honestly, Danny, I don't know." Steve rubbed both his hands down his face and then leaned on his desk on clenched fists. "There have been reports of increased Taliban activity in the region. I tried to get in touch, but I haven't been able to reach her – her phone's been off or something. That was Amir, Najib's father. He told me he has been encouraging her to get out of Afghanistan, that it was too dangerous for her to stay, but she refused. The Taliban have been coming around frequently, like they're looking for someone, and she finally left, but told him she'd be back. The villagers - they're starting to leave. Amir's taking his family to Kabul, he has a cousin there."

"So, you're just going to hop a plane to Afghanistan? You've gotta be on a bunch of watch lists for that region."

Steve just handed Danny the passport, a cocky grin on his face. Danny took the document and opened it. It was obviously a fake because the name, address and birth date didn't match Steve's, but the face in the photo did, if you added some facial hair.

"Ah, so that explains the beard."

"Yeah."

"How long you been planning this?"

Steve sat heavily in his chair. "I've had the passport since shortly after we got back last time."

"You've had the… Wow."

Steve was exasperated, "Danny, in all the time you've known me have you ever known me to _not_ have a plan?"

"No, Steven, I have not. However, most of them have not been as monumentally bad as this one."

"It's not a bad plan, Danny. I should be able to get in okay. Finding Catherine… that's going to be the tough part."

"No disrespect, but you sure you want to do this? I mean, I know you loved the woman –" Danny stopped as the expression on his partner's face subtly changed and his tone was soft when he spoke again. "You still love her." It was a statement, not a question.

Steve didn't speak but nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and stood. "I uh, I need to get going," he said, "Joe's going to call me with the flight info any minute and I need to pack." He put his laptop in a sleeve, placed the passport and papers he'd removed from the safe inside with it, zipped the bag closed and started to move around the desk. Danny was standing, quietly watching, but the expression on his face gave Steve pause. He realized his partner was worried. Hell, Danny always worried, but there was something else.

 _Fear_. Danny was afraid.

He proceeded around the desk, put his computer on a chair and pulled his friend into a manly hug. "Hey, man. I'll be careful. I promise."

"You'd better. Because Afghanistan is definitely on my list of places never to return to again."

They stayed in the embrace for just a moment before slapping each other on the back and separating as men do.

"Take care of the place for me?" Steve asked and received a nod in reply. "I'll call or text you every day. If you haven't heard from me in two call Joe, okay?"

"Yeah," Danny replied. Steve was almost to the glass door when the blonde spoke again. "Come home safe, will ya?"

"I'll do my best."

And with that he was gone.

* * *

Steve landed in Kabul 30 hours later and was back in the village a few hours after that. It was different from when he'd last been there; a ghost town now. As Amir said, the villagers had moved to safer areas of the country. It made his heart clench a little, thinking of how Catherine would hate to see this, and wondering if she already had.

He scouted the area, going first to Amir and Farah's home and then checking other buildings and the well where the family had hidden Catherine years before. He didn't think he'd find her there, assuming if she were in the area she would have shown herself when he rode up.

He returned to Amir's house and planned his next move while checking the map he'd brought and taking a few minutes to eat some trail mix. Amir had told him that Catherine had headed toward the mountains, toward a more remote area of the region, and he made a plan to head in that direction, hoping she was staying in one of the many caves, keeping a low profile.

He stood and was zipping his pack when he sensed more than heard something outside. He quietly moved toward the wall by the door, drawing his sidearm and listening hard. Someone was walking toward the house, moving quietly but with a stealth he would not expect from an enemy in this region of the world. He relaxed, but only slightly. The Taliban didn't do subtle, but he wasn't willing to bet his life on it.

He stood, pressed against the wall in the corner, his muscles coiled and ready to strike. It sounded like a single person or very small group, but he needed to determine how many hostiles he was dealing with before taking action. When the door opened slowly and someone started to enter the house he ascertained his visitor was alone and spoke, his voice low and deadly, "Don't move."

The figure stopped dead and then he heard a voice so familiar that it was like a balm to his heart. "Steve?"

He immediately lowered his weapon, moving out of the shadows and into the center of the room. She came in to the house and he was able to see her fully. She was wearing an odd mixture of American and Afghani clothing and still had a scarf covering her hair, although it was different than the one he had last seen on her. Her face was devoid of any makeup and smudged with dirt, but she was still the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. "Catherine".

He tucked his weapon in the back of his cargos and started toward her - one, two quick strides and then stopped suddenly; unsure, realizing he didn't know how his presence would be received. He never should have had any doubt. She dropped the pack she was holding and brought a hand to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. She seemed rooted to the floor so he crossed to her and gathered her into his arms, so tightly he felt like he might crush her. She fiercely returned the embrace, looping her arms up around his back and holding on like her life depended on it.

"Thank God you're all right," he murmured into her hair.

"Steve, what are you doing here?" Her voice was muffled in Steve's shirt as she held him tight.

He pulled back and searched her face before he spoke. "Amir called me."

She shook her head. "I wish he hadn't done that."

"Why? Catherine…" He stopped, took a few deep, measured breaths before he continued. This wasn't how he wanted their reunion to go and yelling wasn't going to solve anything. "Catherine, I was worried. I heard Taliban activity was increasing and I couldn't reach you. When Amir called I had pretty much already decided to come get you out."

She looked up at him, holding his gaze. "I was in the mountains and I couldn't get a signal on the phone. I wish I had, though, because I would have told you not to come. It's not safe for you here."

"You're right. And it's not safe for you anymore, either." He moved away, putting more distance between them and rubbing both hands down his bearded face. "You need to get the hell out of Afghanistan." He cut off the protest he could see coming. "I'm not saying you have to come back to Hawaii, but you have to leave here. Go somewhere, anywhere else in the world if you don't want to come -" The word 'home' died on his lips, he couldn't voice it. He hoped she still considered Hawaii her home, but realized that may no longer be the case.

"Steve, I…" she trailed off before changing direction. Her smile was soft and her expression guarded. "I just can't believe you're here."

"I couldn't _not_ come for you."

That simple statement, uttered with absolute certainty, shattered the last of Catherine's defenses and tears filled her eyes as one hand flew again to her mouth.

He was at her side in an instant, pulling her to him, trying to comfort her, holding her tight to stop her trembling. "Shhh. Catherine, it's all right. Everything is going to be all right."

She wiped her eyes, fighting for some control, and put some distance between them again. "I know. You're right, it's time for me to leave. I had a close call the other day, too close."

He was suddenly all business – his hands on his hips. "What kind of close call?"

Catherine waved her hand and said, "It was no-" but she looked up at Steve, stopped and changed direction with a sigh. "It was stupid, I wasn't paying attention and there was a small group of Taliban soldiers in the village. I think one of them may have caught a glimpse of me because he got the other's attention and they headed my way." She looked away for a moment and someone who didn't know her as well as Steve might have missed the slight change in her body language, but he knew there was more. He was unnerved but forced himself to remain calm, assuming they hadn't found her or she wouldn't be standing in front of him right now, so he stayed quiet and let her speak.

She looked back at him and exhaled. "Someone in the village recalled them, they turned and left. That's it."

Steve could tell she was holding something back. "What else?" he asked.

"I told you, that's it."

Her evasiveness concerned him and it was reflected in his voice as he asked, "What happened? I know there's something else." She looked away and he stepped closer, reached up and gently turned her head so she was facing him. "What don't you want to tell me?"

"I was, uh, I was in the field with only the grass for cover and no other alternatives and they were headed directly for me. They were almost on top of me, Steve, but they never looked down. I was ready for it – to go down fighting with everything I had." Her voice broke as she continued, "They _should_ have seen me – there's absolutely no reason… I just don't understand why I'm here with you right now." She looked up at him with a wry smile. "The irony is just when I had decided it was probably time to leave this place it looked like I wasn't going to ever get the chance." She turned away from him before speaking again, her voice a whisper. "And now I have the chance and I can't figure out where else to go."

He approached her from behind, sliding his arms around her middle and snugging her in under his chin. He made a split second decision in that moment. "Do you mind if I tag along?"

She turned in the circle of his arms, surprise registering on her face. "Steve? You would...?" She backed away from him but kept eye contact. "After what I did…"

He shrugged. "I did the same thing to you once, remember? I ran away from you seven years ago, told you it wasn't fair for you to wait for me, that I couldn't give you what I thought you needed… Somewhere along the line I realized all I could do was give you whatever I could and hope it would be enough. And it was, for a long time, and what we had worked." He moved forward again, to within arm's length and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm the one who left the Navy, settled in Hawaii. I didn't ask what you thought, just assumed you'd support my decision."

"And I did – I've always wanted you to be happy, and those changes seemed to make you happy."

"Yeah… they did. And I was thrilled when you got stationed at Pearl, then when you decided to leave the Navy…"

"But you were angry when I didn't talk to you about my decision."

Steve shook his head. "No, not angry. Maybe a little hurt, but not angry. I wouldn't have had the right to be angry. I never talked to you before I decided the same thing." He lowered his hands to run them up and down her arms. "I assumed you made that decision because it was what you wanted, but then I realized a couple months ago maybe you did it because you thought it was what _I_ wanted." He looked up at the ceiling then, steeling himself for her response, which came quickly.

"No." She placed her hands on either side of his face. "Steve, look at me."

When he resumed eye contact she continued, "Part of the reason I left the Navy was because of you. But it was _my_ decision. At some point I was going to be transferred or deployed again – we both know it had to happen eventually - but it would have been different from all the other times. I mean, it was always hard to leave one posting, to make that change, but it was the job right?"

Steve nodded, he could relate.

"But as I got more settled on Hawaii, as our relationship got stronger, I realized I didn't want to leave you again. What I told you was true, I had been in the Navy half my life, and I decided it was time for a change."

"I see now that you struggled with the change more than I realized. I should have been more supportive, I –"

Catherine's finger on Steve's lips stopped him. "No, you were great. I never expected anything more."

He moved her finger, kissed it, and dropped their joined hands to chest level. "But you should have." He saw that she was going to interrupt again and said, "No, please let me get this out." He took a deep breath and exhaled. "You changed your life for me, and I responded by pushing you away."

She cocked her head to the side in an unspoken question but didn't interrupt.

"The truth is I was scared after El Condor. Scared someone else would use you to get to me, that I would lose you. I understand now what my dad was feeling when he sent Mary and me away to protect us. But rather than stop my investigation or stop asking questions like he did I pushed you away to keep you safe. I was selfish, Catherine, and I'm sorry."

He watched as her eyes began to fill with tears once again, released her hand and cradled her face, using his thumbs to wipe the wetness away.

"I did a lot of soul searching and realized I wouldn't trade the time I had with Freddie, or my dad. Even though they're gone and the time we had was too short… I guess what I'm trying to say is I should have been making the most of the time I had with you. I just… I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, and I lost you anyway."

She pulled away from him, tears running down her face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Steve."

He reached for her and tried not to be hurt when she imperceptibly angled her body away. He put one hand on his hip and grasped the back of his neck with the other. "This isn't going how I planned," he mumbled.

"I said I was sorry."

He sighed. "No, Cath. It's not you. It's this… all of this. I didn't tell you all this to make you feel guilty or because I expected an apology. Yes, you hurt me." He stopped when he saw her flinch at his words. He shrugged by way of apology and his voice was soft, caring when he spoke. "Well, you did. Cath, I'm not going to sugar coat it. You broke my heart." He reached for her again and didn't let her pull away this time, again cradling her face in his hands. "But I'm hoping you'll agree to help me fix it. I want to be with you, Catherine, if you'll have me. I'll go anywhere you want to go, anywhere but here. _My_ life is in Hawaii, but I want us to live _our_ life. And if that means we need to live somewhere else then I'll go, wherever you want." He let out a nervous laugh. "You'll probably have to protect me from Danny though, because he'll want to kill me."

Catherine laughed too, in spite of herself. It felt good to laugh again, she hadn't done nearly enough of it in the last ten months. And suddenly everything seemed so clear and she no longer had any doubts

"Yes, I'll have you. Of course I'll have you. And I appreciate the offer, but I think I'd like to go back to Hawaii. I spent a lot of time thinking about it these last couple months, and I liked our life there. It may have started out as your life but it definitely became ours. Besides, it's your home now and my home is wherever you are."

Steve's happiness lit up his face as he pulled her into his chest in another crushing embrace. He pulled back from her slightly, just enough to press a soft kiss to her lips. He reached up and gently, tenderly stroked the side of her face.

"I love you, Catherine." The smile he received in return made his heart soar. "I love you." His smile faltered as he continued softly, "It feels really good to say it in person. For a while there I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to."

He hugged her to him again, relishing in having her in his arms after so long and feeling his tension ebbing with the knowledge that she was finally coming home. He had been so anxious, so on edge, because of the nature of his current mission; the uncertainly of what he'd find and how she'd react to what he wanted to tell her. The worry flowed steadily out of his body the longer they held each other and was replaced by something else – a resurgence of the passion they had always shared. He was keenly aware of his want, his _need_ to be close to her.

He put just enough distance between them to search her eyes and his unspoken question was answered when she pulled his head down and fused her mouth to his. It was a kiss born of longing and desire and quickly led to a much more heated reunion. They ended up on a rug on the dirt floor in the back room and, after lying in the comfort of each other's arms for too short a time they felt a mutual need to rise and don the items of clothing they'd practically torn off each other. They weren't safe here, the area wasn't secure and they needed to keep their guards up.

Still, they gravitated toward each other and sat on the simple bed, Steve's back against the wall and Catherine curled up against his chest. He kissed her temple. "I missed you."

She chucked softly and replied, "I could tell." Their coupling had been heated and desperate, born of being apart for so long, but still tender and loving. Steve had worshipped her body, almost like he was savoring the experience, just in case it wasn't real.

He chucked, too. "Guilty as charged."

She sobered. "I missed you too. So much." She leaned back so she could look at him. "I love you, too. You know that, right?"

He nodded and a grin lit up his face. "It's really good to hear you say it, though."

She snuggled up under his chin again and they sat that way for a few minutes. She was contemplating something. He couldn't see her bite her lip, but he could feel her start to tense. "Cath, what is it?"

She sighed. "I guess I forgot how well you know me." They shifted so they were sitting cross-legged, facing each other. He could tell she wasn't sure how to say what was on her mind. Eventually she took a deep, cleansing breath and just went with it. "I'm uh, I'm going to need a job when I come back."

He was relieved at her statement, happy it wasn't something else. "I've already thought about that. I've actually made some inquiries. The Navy might have a civilian contractor position at Pearl. I also talked to Mick about you joining his firm – he's thrilled with the prospect, although you might have to listen to him bitch about Doris." He shook his head unbelievingly and continued, "I think he's still not over her."

Catherine was relieved beyond words. How was it that he seemed to have an answer to all the questions that had been plaguing her for months? And she was touched by his consideration. "Wow. You've really given this some thought, haven't you?" He nodded. She bit her lip again, needing to know how he felt about something else. "I noticed you didn't mention Five-0…"

He reached for her hand and said, "You were a huge asset to Five-0," quickly adding, "and would be again. " He sought her eyes to be sure she was listening and would hear what he was about to say because he had a feeling he knew what she was really asking and how important it was to her. "And, just for the record I still trust you to have my back."

She smiled tentatively and nodded but he knew she wasn't convinced.

He reached out for her hand. "Hey – I'm serious. I don't blame you for anything. None of what happened is your fault and it's because of you I'm still here - you called Danny to get me out and gave him what he needed to do that." He chained her gaze, his eyes imploring her to take what he said as truth, but he could tell she was still doubtful. He squeezed her hand. "Catherine. I need you to believe me when I tell you that your actions saved my life."

She felt as though a weight had been lifted and reveled in how he still managed to always know what she needed to hear.

"I want to," she said and hastily added, "and I'm working on that," when she saw he was going to interrupt. "I'm just not sure I still trust myself to be your back up, though."

He sighed. "Well, then we'll work on that. All right?"

She smiled and nodded in reply. Then her expression turned more serious. "So… If I wanted to come back to Five-0 eventually," she said, then added, "and I'm not sure yet that I do," before squeezing his hand reassuringly, "that would be okay with you?"

"Absolutely." He paused to rise and stand next to the bed before reaching for her hand again. "I'm just not sure the Governor would approve it."

"He didn't have a problem with it before, has something changed?"

"Well, I was really hoping," he said then shifted positions awkwardly. "Hang on – I need to do this-" he dropped to one knee, "-right."

Catherine realized what was coming and said hastily, "Steve, you don't have to -"

He interrupted. "I know I don't have to. I _want_ to. So just let me say it, all right?"

Catherine nodded, her eyes shining.

"Catherine, I love you. For a long time I thought you'd be safer if I didn't make a commitment to you. But I was always committed to you. You're it for me and I… I can't imagine ever loving anyone else as much as I love you. I don't ever want to."

He swallowed, more nervous that he had thought he would be.

"I was really hoping… if you came home, that you'd be coming back as my… wife. So will you…" he swallowed again, "marry me?"

Catherine closed her eyes and was quiet for several long moments before she looked at him and spoke gently. "Steve, are you sure? I can't even imagine how much I must have hurt you and we've been apart for months."

Steve's heart dropped but he forced himself to remain calm as he rose to stand then settled next to her on the bed, still holding her hand. He took a moment and watched his thumb caress her knuckles before he lifted his gaze to her face. "You're right. We have been apart for months and it wasn't easy - for either of us…"

She tilted her head in agreement.

"But it made me realize something. I missed you so much, but I also learned that I can live without you." When her face fell he squeezed her hand. "Hey," he said and waited for her to make eye contact again, "but I don't ever want to. I want you by my side for the rest of my life." Then a thought occurred to Steve that caused an uncomfortable tightening in his chest. "As long as that's what you want… too."

He released a breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding when she nodded her head and closed the short distance between them, pulling him into her arms. He tightened his embrace, wishing he would never have to let go. Realizing he hadn't actually gotten an answer to his question he asked, "Is that a yes?"

She nodded and, although he couldn't see her face he could hear the joy in her voice. "Yes, Steve, I'll marry you. Of course I'll marry you." She wrapped her arms around him even tighter, though he wouldn't have thought it possible, and he pulled her into his lap so she was sitting across his legs.

He could feel her warm breath in his ear and his body started to react to having her so close. When she let out a contented moan and said, "God, I love you so much," it was almost his undoing.

He reached up under her shirt to caress the skin of her back and searched out the sweet spot just below her ear before nipping little kisses along her jaw, finally finding her lips again. They only drew apart when the need to breathe became overwhelming.

But they both knew this wasn't the time or the place and Steve was panting and frustrated when he dropped his forehead to his bride-to-be's shoulder and tried to get his treacherous body under control. Upon finally having some success he sat back, lifted her off his lap and rose, extending a hand to her.

"We'd better get out of here, Rollins, because as soon as I get you home I am taking you to bed and keeping you there for a week."

"Promise?" She asked, teasing, and the heat in his gaze was all the answer she needed.

He turned to lead her out of the room but she tugged on his hand so he pivoted to look back at her, his brows raised in an unspoken question.

Her voice was soft, unsure when she spoke. "How do we know this isn't an amazing dream that we're going to wake up from any minute?"

He closed the short distance between them and placed his free hand behind her head, threading his fingers through her hair. He gazed into her eyes so deeply she felt a shiver run down her spine. "I guess you're just going to have to trust me on that, Lieutenant," he told her and placed on her lips a kiss so sweet it made her heart melt. Then he turned and led her out of the house, out of Afghanistan and into their future.

And as she followed him without question she whispered, "Always, Commander."

* * *

 _A couple final thoughts:_

 _I realize this would probably be a perfectly acceptable place to end this story – a nice wrap up, if you will. But, I've already written another chapter, so another chapter you will get. I just need to polish it up a bit before posting and hope to do so soon._

 _I also wish to recognize njborba who painted a picture of Catherine's life in Afghanistan in her amazing story Love is a Minefield. That images I formed while reading that story have continued to stick with me and was were came to mind as I wrote about Catherine crossing the field before her close call with the Taliban soldiers. Thanks for the inspiration!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Well, here it is – the final chapter. Thank you to those of you who have favorited, followed or reviewed this story and to those of you who have stuck with it and are coming back for this last chapter. I apologize for the long delay in getting this final part posted - it was the only chapter I hadn't already finished when I initially published the story and it took me longer than I thought to finalize the ending. I really wanted to get this posted before the new season starts though so I buckled down and here it is…_

 _LuckyStarPham requested more Chin and I was happy to comply so you'll find more of him in this chapter – I hope I've done him justice and that you'll enjoy!_ **  
**

* * *

 **Conquering Nightmares**

Chapter 5

As it worked out, once they arrived back on Oahu Steve was only able to keep Catherine in bed for the better part of three days before their lives descended upon them again.

They had left Kabul on the first flight going in the right direction and had a couple of stops before they finally landed in Honolulu. It was almost midnight when they ultimately got back to the house and, since both wanted to wash the trip off them they got reacquainted again in the shower before falling into bed. They had been exhausted and slept peacefully until around 10:15 the next morning.

Steve opened his eyes slowly and stretched then rolled to drape himself over the woman sharing his bed. He nuzzled the blue star tattoo at the nape of her neck with his lips and she groaned half heartedly, although she didn't mind his ministrations in the least.

He took a break from outlining her ear with his tongue to chuckle. "You can't still be tired. I can't remember the last time I slept that long."

"Me either. But I still feel like I could sleep all day," she said as she turned onto her back to face him more fully, "I can't remember the last time I slept straight through." She moaned with pleasure as Steve returned to worshipping her ear. "Hmmm… I missed having you in my bed."

He paused, halfway to her lips, and leaned back on one elbow, suddenly serious. "I wish I'd been there with you."

She rolled over to her right side to look him in the eye. "No," she told him firmly. "Don't do that. Your place was here." She grabbed his right hand with her left. "I needed to do it on my own. I had to."

He released her hand to tenderly stroke the side of her face. His voice was rough and deep when he replied, "I know you did."

She saw the truth of his statement in his eyes and also something else that filled her with sadness and regret.

Steve saw the change come over her and shifted into over-protective mode in a heartbeat. "Cath?" His eyes searched hers. "Hey, what is it?"

She looked away. "It's my fault we missed so much time."

"Hey." He gently cupped her face and made sure she was looking at him. "Don't do that. Yes, we missed time. But it's on me, too and I'm planning to spend the rest of my life making up for it."

She smiled, wondering when he had gotten so good at knowing exactly what she needed to hear. "Hmmm… Me too." She shifted closer and ran her hand down his bare chest. "I wonder if there's something I could do right now to start making amends."

"What did you have in mind, Rollins?"

She shifted again so she was propped up on her right arm, hovering over him. "Maybe a little bit of this…" She kissed his forehead as her hand stroked his chest. "Or maybe a little bit of this." She kissed his nose. "Or maybe…" She finally captured his lips as her hand made its way south under the covers.

He growled and flipped them both over so he was hovering over her. He was just leaning in for a kiss when he paused and gazed at her for a moment.

She brought her hand to his cheek and whispered, "Steve?"

"I love you." A shiver ran through him and his face split into the happy smile that was only for her. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of telling you that."

* * *

They next time they stirred it was 2:00 in the afternoon. Although they had been cuddled together when they fell asleep, at some point during their nap Steve had rolled over onto his back. He stretched his arms above his head before rolling onto his left side to watch as Catherine blinked her eyes sleepily.

He grinned. "Morning. Again."

She laughed softly as she stretched sleepily. "Morning." She rolled onto her right side so she was facing him and lifted her hand to his face, running her fingertips teasingly down his jaw. "I like this," she said, referring to his beard, "are you planning to keep it?"

He stroked his chin. "Probably not." Then he paused, grinning, and grabbed her hand. "Unless… do you want me to?"

She brought their joined hands to her mouth and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. "Hmmm… I don't know." She leaned back a bit to focus on his face. He tilted his head questioningly and raised his eyebrows in response as he watched her study his face. "I think it brings out your eyes, and those amazing lashes you have," she said.

He smiled at the compliment and teased, "Are you jealous, Rollins?" He rolled toward her and released her hand so he could brush some stray hair out of her face before cradling her cheek and caressing it with his thumb.

She looked up at him and said, "Have you had it long?"

He thought for a moment. "Not long – couple weeks maybe, part of my cover. Needed to match the passport photo." Before they had left Afghanistan he had made her aware of his alias and she'd seen the false passport he was traveling under.

She tilted her head, pondering, before she ran the backs of her fingers over the beard. "Well," she said, "as much as I appreciate Alex Jones for travelling to Afghanistan to come get me I think I'd rather have Steve McGarrett back."

He leaned forward and captured her lips in a sweet kiss before he pulled back slightly and smiled at her. "He's all yours. You want to help me shave it?"

"Now? Hmmm… What time is it?"

He rolled to see the clock on the bedside table. "Fourteen hundred."

She stretched languidly and ran her hand down his bare chest. "Maybe later? I have other things I'd rather help you do right now."

"Later it is," he agreed before he rolled her underneath him in one quick move and her squeak of surprise turned into a moan of pleasure as he claimed her mouth with hers.

* * *

The third time they awoke on that first day they decided to actually leave the bed for a while to get something to eat. Steve grabbed a pair of running shorts out of a drawer and slipped them on while he admired the view of Catherine's naked profile as she stood at the closet looking for one of his shirts. As she grabbed one of his blue button downs he slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck.

The shirt in one hand, she crossed her arms over his and tilted her head to give him better access at the same time she told him laughingly, "If you keep that up we're never going to eat."

"Hmmm…." His voice was muffled on her skin as he worked his way down toward her shoulder, "I think we'll survive a little while longer."

She turned in the circle of his arms, slid her arms into the shirtsleeves and put her hands on his chest. "Steve," she admonished gently, "we've been in bed all day."

"I know." He used his index finger to gently brush a lock of stray hair out of her face as he searched her eyes. "But it's not enough. I'll never be able to get enough of you."

She was visibly touched by the sincerity of his words and gathered him in her arms. He pulled her close and they held each other tightly until Steve moaned. "This is not helping get my mind off what else I'd like to be doing right now."

She smiled and pulled back enough to button two buttons on the shirt. "There. That better?"

He shook his head like a petulant child. "No. Because I know what's underneath."

She smiled up at him. "Come on, Commander. Food will give me energy for round four."

His expression turned more serious and he asked, "You're really hungry?"

She nodded. "Starved."

"All right," he said before he dropped a quick kiss on her lips, "let's get you fed." He took her hand and led the way out of the room.

When they arrived in the kitchen he released her hand and went to inspect the fridge. "We have… eggs… cheese. You want an omelet?"

She thought for a moment. "How about scrambled eggs?"

He nodded and said, "Scrambled eggs it is." He removed a carton of eggs, cream and some grated cheese from the refrigerator, turned and set everything on the island before leaning back down and inspecting the shelves again. "No pineapple, but there's some…cantaloupe?" He turned his head and glanced at her over the appliance door.

"Perfect," she agreed and pushed off the counter to retrieve a bowl from a cabinet. While she broke eggs into the bowl and beat them with a fork Steve secured a shallow pan and made no effort to hide the fact that he was brushing up against as much of her as he could as he slid behind her to put it on the stove.

He sliced the fruit and toasted some bread as she cooked the eggs and in no time they were devouring their meal. Catherine sat on the counter as Steve leaned against it, holding the plate, and alternated feeding himself and feeding her.

As she finished chewing and swallowed a bite she was focused on his bare chest; she reached out a hand and gently touched one of the scars that hadn't been there before their fateful trip to Afghanistan. Steve paused and gently set the plate down as she brushed feather light touches over various marks on his torso then continued to his arms and finally his forehead. As she started to lower her hand he grasped it and pulled it in to cradle it against his chest.

When she turned her head to meet his gaze he saw the concern on her face and wanted to address it immediately. "Hey," he told her, "I'm fine."

"I know," she replied halfheartedly and he tilted his head in silent encouragement for her to continue. "I know," she repeated with a sigh, "really I do. It's just… It's hard…" she trailed off.

When she didn't continue he prompted her gently. "What is?"

She took a deep, cleansing breath and exhaled it slowly. "What happened to you… In Afghanistan and here with Wo Fat - I can only imagine-"

"Hey," he interrupted. "Don't. It's over – all of it. It's in the past now and I don't want to focus on that. What matters to me now is the future. _Our_ future."

She nodded and offered him a small smile. He responded by squeezing the hand he still held against his chest and stepping closer to her before he continued. "I'm not going to lie and say I didn't miss you and wish you were there-" When she glanced away he touched her face gently to bring her attention back to him. "-but it wasn't the first time, for either of us. We've both been there before, right?" He waited for her to grudgingly acknowledge his point. "But I know it was the last. Because I'm going to be your husband, and you're going to be my wife and…" he paused and grinned, lightening the mood, "well, it's part of the vows right? The whole sickness and health thing?"

She returned his smile with an honest one of her own and nodded. "Yeah, it is." Her face fell slightly and she bit her lower lip for a moment. "How have you been handling it, really?" When he shrugged in response and looked down her tone became firmer, more insistent. "Steve?" Seeing he was struggling she relaxed and continued more gently, her tone soft, caring. "Hey, Sailor. I'm not going to leave again – no matter what you tell me. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

He looked up, searching her face; seeing the truth behind her words he squeezed her hand again and breathed out, "Okay".

"Besides, I already know the answer because I know you. But I love you and even though it may hurt me to hear you admit it I think we should talk about it. You've been struggling with your PTSD again, haven't you? Are you still having nightmares?"

Steve sighed. "Yes, all that. But nothing since you came home. I sleep better with you beside me, Cath, I always have."

"I know. Me too. "

He released her hand and stepped between her legs to wrap both arms around her and hold her against him. She returned the gesture and they held each other for a minute before her hands and lips began to wander. Steve pulled away just enough to capture her mouth in a searing kiss that left them both breathless.

No words were necessary because they were already on exactly the same page as he lowered his arms to lift her off the counter and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Bed?" he breathed against her lips.

"Too… far…" she replied.

He broke the kiss long enough to eye the living room skeptically. "Couch's too sticky," he mumbled in between nips at her lower lip and headed for the stairs.

"Can't… " Catherine moaned against his neck as she licked and sucked at the sensitive skin. "Need you…"

He backed her up against the front door so he could concentrate on the sensations she was evoking throughout his entire body before he hungrily attacked her mouth again. She broke the kiss, looked at him with hooded eyes and said, "Bed or floor. Now."

That was all the encouragement he needed as he moved her away from the door and shifted so he was carrying her bridal style up the stairs and into the bedroom. He dropped her onto the soft mattress and pushed his shorts down over his hips as she knelt on the bed and worked with fumbling fingers to undo the buttons on the shirt she was wearing. He watched her anxiously for a moment and then shook his head.

"Uh uh," he said, just before he grasped the bottom of the shirt and simply pulled it up and over her head. He eased her backwards and climbed up to cover her body with his.

"That was very… Ooh."

"I aim to please," he said between hungry kisses and they let their actions do the rest of the talking.

* * *

The second morning Catherine opened her eyes to find Steve clean-shaven and standing over her with a tray. She blinked a few times and stretched before smiling up at him. "Good morning, sailor."

Steve's smile nearly split his face in two. "I missed that," he told her.

"What? Me telling you 'good morning'?"

"Well, yes. And the _way_ you say it." He grinned.

She sat up, pulling the sheet to cover her naked torso. "Whatcha got there?" she asked.

"This? This is breakfast in bed." He set across her lap a tray filled with yogurt with granola, fresh fruit, French toast, an omelet and orange juice. There were fresh flowers in a small vase on the far right corner as well as silverware wrapped in a napkin on the left side.

"Wow. That's a lot of food." She looked at him and asked, "Is this all for me?"

"Yes," he replied, then added when she looked doubtful, "I'll help, but you're too thin."

"I see. So you're trying to fatten me up?" she asked with a smile on her face.

He snagged a piece of pineapple off the tray and popped it in his mouth, smiling around it. "Yup."

Together they finished all the food Steve had brought up. Catherine sat against the headboard with the tray across her lap and he lay alongside her on the bed eating whatever bites she offered. He was happy when she ate almost everything since that had been his intention anyway.

As she speared the last piece of mango he sat up and lifted the tray, then pivoted so he could set it down on the floor next to the bed.

"Ohhh," she groaned, "I am so full. But it was so good."

"Are you too full to…" he waggled his eyebrows at her, "work some of it off?" he asked, while he tickled his fingers lightly up and down her arm.

"Why Commander, whatever did you have in mind?"

When he answered her question by leaning over and kissing first her chin, then her bottom lip, then finally her mouth she simply slid back down the bed and welcomed him into her arms.

* * *

Steve woke a couple of hours later, both of them having fallen asleep after burning off some of the calories of their breakfast. He rolled over to his left and watched Catherine sleep for a few minutes until she stirred and opened her eyes, taking a moment to focus on his face.

"Good morning, Commander… again."

He smiled and planted a quick kiss on her lips. "You need to get up. We have to be downtown in…" he rolled over so he could see the clock on the bedside table, "… an hour."

"Downtown? Where are we going?"

He just smiled at her. "You'll see."

* * *

Their meeting downtown turned out to be with a jeweler John McGarrett had bought many pieces from years before. Steve had made an appointment with the proprietor, now an elderly gentleman, to see about getting an engagement ring for Catherine. He had considered surprising her with one but decided he wanted her to help him choose.

Mr. Kamaka had been thrilled to take Steve's call earlier that morning and overjoyed to hear that the younger man was engaged to be married. He remembered meeting him as a young man when Steve had accompanied his father to the shop once or twice. He had been saddened a few years later to hear of the death of John's wife and then that Steve and his sister had left the island. He had crossed paths with John a few times in the subsequent years and always asked after the other man's children. John, of course always the proud father, was more than willing to relate Steve's many accomplishments: Graduating from the Naval Academy near the top of his class, successfully completing BUD/S and becoming a SEAL, being given command of his own team, each promotion…

The jeweler had been happy to hear John's stories about how the boy who had suffered so much sadness as a youth had managed to overcome the obstacles he had been faced with and was doing so well in his career. But it had never escaped his attention that the younger McGarrett had not returned to the island of his birth and he did not think John had seen his son in person for many years.

Mr. Kamaka was a family man himself; still happily married and able to enjoy the many grandchildren they had been blessed with. He could not imagine his life without his family and felt sorrow for his friend John who had lost his family after too little time together.

He had mourned the death of the elder McGarrett who he felt had been taken from the world much too violently and much too soon but had been happy to hear Steve had returned to the island and stayed to run the new Five-0 task force. Since that time he had somewhat followed the SEAL's career through the news, was aware the team was known for being good at what they did and Steve was a large part of that. He had always hoped the now grown man had found a new sort of family and would someday settle down, maybe get married and perhaps experience the incomparable joys of fatherhood. So when Steve called he had been thrilled to hear of the young man's engagement and felt incredibly honored at having been selected to facilitate such an important purchase as the rings. He was also quite excited to meet the couple in person and spent some time preparing to ensure everything would be perfect for their appointment.

Mr. Kamaka watched as Steve and Catherine entered the shop promptly at 12:30. He had worked with hundreds of couples over the years and felt he could tell when a relationship had what it took to go the distance. He noticed their body language, saw that Steve held the door open for her to enter first and kept a hand at the small of her back as he followed her into the store and the glances they exchanged did not escape his attention, either. He smiled as they approached the counter; yes, these two were a handsome couple and very much in love. He emerged from behind a display and extended his hand to Steve. "Commander, so nice to see you again. It has been a long time."

Steve shook his hand warmly. "Mr. Kamaka, I'd like to introduce you to Catherine Rollins."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Miss Rollins. And, may I say, you are even more beautiful in person."

Catherine blushed as she shook his offered hand. "Thank you."

Steve agreed. "She is, isn't she?" He wrapped an arm around her waist, leaned in and kissed her temple.

Catherine flashed him a grateful smile before turning her attention to the shopkeeper. "You have a lovely store, Mr. Kamaka."

"Thank you. I've been in business here for over fifty years."

"Has it been that long?" Steve said. He thought back for a moment, "I guess it's been what, close to twenty-five years since the last time I came in with my dad."

"Yes, I believe he was selecting something for your sister's tenth birthday… Earrings, was it?"

Steve was impressed. "I think that's right."

"How is she?"

"She's well, living in California with her young daughter. Thank you for asking." Steve answered. "And your family?" He remembered Mr. Kamaka had a wife and several children.

The shopkeeper smiled fondly. "Also well. I have nine grandchildren," he said proudly. He gestured toward the case behind him. "Although it has been a pleasure catching up, I certainly don't want to waste any more of your time. Based on our discussion earlier I have pulled together several options for you and your lovely fiancée to choose from. Shall we?"

Steve nodded. "This has certainly not been a waste of time," he said and smiled like a kid in a candy store, "but I – we," he glanced at Catherine who smiled and nodded, "would love to see what you have for us."

They proceeded toward the front of the glass case as the elderly gentleman stepped behind it and pulled out a black velvet display holding several rings.

Catherine took one look and shook her head. "These are beautiful," she said to Mr. Kamaka and then directed her attention her fiancé standing next to her, "but too much. Steve, I can't-"

"Of course you can, Cath." He leaned over to look more closely at the variety of rings before selecting one and holding it between his thumb and forefinger. "I've given this some thought and it means a lot to me. Mr. Kamaka and I discussed it this morning," he said to Catherine but glanced up at the shopkeeper who nodded his agreement, "and I thought about coming to pick it out myself, but I would rather spend the time with you than away from you." He smiled softly for a moment until his face fell slightly. "Unless you'd rather I surprised you…" he said, suddenly a little unsure.

"No," she said quickly, shaking her head, "I love the idea of doing this together. It's just… are you sure?"

He nodded and a grin broke out on his face. "Besides," he said teasingly, "might as well prove to Danny that I'm not as cheap as he thinks I am." His grin softened into an affectionate smile as he gazed at her, his eyes full of love. He lifted the ring in his hand as if presenting it to her and his voice was quiet when he spoke. "I don't mind spending money on the important things."

They continued to lose themselves in each other's eyes until Mr. Kamaka cleared his throat softly and they turned their eyes to him sheepishly. "So, Miss Rollins-"

"Catherine, please," she told him

"-Catherine, do you see one you like?"

Steve replaced the ring he had been holding and moved back slightly, looking over her right shoulder as she turned her eyes on the selection. Mr. Kamaka had taken great care to ensure that there were different options to choose from, although he had mostly stayed with solitaries based on Steve's information that Catherine tended toward simple and classic in her jewelry. There were a variety of diamond shapes and band styles represented, each one sparkling and quite beautiful.

She inspected the options for a few moments before focusing on the one Steve had selected previously, a round solitaire with a yellow gold band. She picked it up and looked at Mr. Kamaka. "May I?" she asked.

He smiled in response. "Of course, please."

Steve covered her hand with his and shook his head. "No." She glanced at him quickly, confused, before he took the ring gently from her and turned to face her. He grasped her left hand. "Let me." He slid the ring onto her finger and admired it for a moment before lifting his gaze to her face. "What do you think?"

She held her hand up and gazed down at it, smiling. Her happiness shone in her eyes for a moment when she looked back up at Steve, but her smile faded slightly and she bit her lower lip. "It's beautiful, but I'm not sure…"

He could tell she loved the ring and it warmed his heart. But he knew he needed to reassure her so he took her hand, seeming to inspect the ring more closely for a moment. "Well, I am," he said, "It's perfect."

He turned his attention to the shopkeeper, who had been observing quietly. "We'll take this one."

Mr. Kamaka was pleased that they had selected his favorite of the bunch. "Wonderful!" he said and clapped his hands together. "It doesn't appear to need sizing. Would you like to wait while I inspect and clean it? It will only be a few minutes and then you can wear it out of the store."

Steve looked back to Catherine and smiled at her though he directed his words at Mr. Kamaka. "I don't know," he said teasingly, "she doesn't seem too excited." He grinned at her. "Should we wait?" He raised his eyebrows and shook his head slowly side to side, then began nodding it up and down. Catherine giggled at his antics and squeezed his hand affectionately. Steve he looked back at the elderly gentleman. "We'll wait," he affirmed with a smile.

Catherine removed the ring from her finger and placed it on the cloth Mr. Kamaka was holding open. She watched as he turned and entered a back room then returned her attention to Steve. Her happiness shone on her face and he cupped her cheek with his hand before leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

He gazed at her for a moment then wrapped his arms around her suddenly and pulled her close. She returned the gesture and they held each other for a moment before Steve pulled back just enough to gaze at her again. "I love you, Catherine."

Her eyes were moist when she responded. "I love you, too.

* * *

An hour later they were seated at an out-of-the-way café they had visited on occasion in years past. Steve noticed Catherine couldn't help admiring her new engagement ring repeatedly as they ate. He put down his fork and offered his hand over the table, which she happily took. He rubbed his thumb over her fingers for a moment before he spoke.

"Do you want to move in with me?" he asked.

She looked taken aback for a moment, her voice uncertain when she spoke. "Sorry - I kind of assumed you'd want me to stay with you. But, if you want me to find my own place –" She broke off as he shook his head and squeezed her hand.

"No, Catherine, that's not what I meant. I have no intention of living apart from you ever again."

She cocked her head to the side and asked, "Then what?"

"I was asking if you wanted to move into my house, or whether you'd rather we find a new place together."

"What do _you_ want?"

He looked up at her, studying her face. "I would like to stay in my place, make it _our_ place. But I didn't want to just assume you –"

She interrupted him. "That's what I want too. I love that house. I love that it was your father's house. I love the beach out back. It never once crossed my mind that we would live anywhere else." She smiled gently at him and said, "But thank you for asking."

He grinned and rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. "You're welcome." He leaned in closer. "It's important to me that you feel comfortable there," he spoke quietly and his expression left no doubt what he was suggesting, "what do you say we get out of here and work on that some more?"

She released his hand and pushed back her chair. "I can't think of anything I'd like more."

* * *

The morning of the third day Steve woke to Catherine's warm breath on his neck as she placed sleepy kisses on every part of him she could reach from where she lay sharing his pillow. The sleepy kisses quickly turned into an energetic round of lovemaking, though, and they fell back asleep for an hour.

They decided on breakfast on the lanai instead of in bed and enjoyed each other's company along with their omelets and fresh fruit. Catherine started to gather the plates but stilled when Steve took her left hand and ran his thumb over the ring that resided there before bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly.

"Let me get these. I should probably call Danny anyway."

He took the dishes in the kitchen and loaded them in the dishwasher before heading upstairs to grab his phone. He dialed and listened to it ring as he descended the stairs. His partner answered as he was crossing the living room toward the back door.

"Well, guess who decided to check in," Danny said by way of greeting, although his tone gave away that he was joking. "How's things?"

Steve laughed. "Good. They're good. How is everything there?"

"Same, no new cases in the last couple days."

Steve assumed Danny must have exited his office into the main room because he heard Kono in the background.

"Tell the boss that we're going to drop by unannounced if they don't get out of bed and let us come visit them soon," she said.

Danny didn't repeat the message but simply asked, "You get all that?"

"Hold on a sec." Steve moved the phone from his ear and muted the microphone as he turned toward Catherine with a smile on his face. "I think Kono missed you. When do we want to see them?"

"Why don't we have everyone over tonight? We can grill, hang out on the beach…"

Steve considered her words for a moment. "We'll have to go to the store."

She grinned at him from across the lanai. "I think, if we work together, we can plan and execute that op."

Steve put the phone back to his ear and his smile was evident in his voice when he spoke. "We'll have everyone over tonight for a cookout on the beach."

"Everyone?" Danny asked. "Who's everyone?"

"Who's everyone?" Steve raised his eyebrows in a silent question and Catherine nodded in response. "The more the merrier."

* * *

And so, about eight hours later people began descending on Casa McGarrett. There were many hugs, some tears and repeated exclamations of surprise followed by expressions of congratulations that Steve had proposed and the couple was now engaged.

Danny had greeted his best friend warmly and pulled Catherine into an embrace, telling her he was happy she was home safe. He seemed shocked at the engagement ring adorning Catherine's finger but recovered quickly and wished the couple his best. Despite having arrived at the gathering with Melissa and Grace in tow he had spent quite a bit of the evening alone, quietly observing those around him. He watched as his partner manned the grill, looking up and catching the eye of his girl- sorry, _fiancée_ \- every few minutes.

Danny watched at one point as Catherine excused herself from a group and made her way over to stand by Steve. The commander immediately wrapped one arm around his lieutenant and pulled her close, leaning in as she said something that must have been funny because he laughed. A real laugh, the kind of sound Danny had not heard come from Steve for way too long. Same thing with that smile; the one that made him look truly happy and only appeared when Catherine was around.

He had to admit they did look happy, and he was relieved to see the parts of his friend's personality that had been missing for almost a year starting to reappear. But he was rationally concerned that Steve's proposal had, at least partially, been a desperate attempt to get Catherine to accompany him home and that his best friend was rushing into something and would get hurt again. Only this time, the hurt would be much, much worse.

He needed to think on whether or not to try and broach the subject with his partner. Steve had never really taken advice on his relationship with Catherine very well. Although, Danny had to give credit where credit was due – his partner's relationship was longer-term than any of Danny's had been. In the meantime, he figured he'd just have to just wait and see.

He saw Catherine look up and catch his eye before she said something in Steve's ear and ducked out from under his arm to head in his direction. Her smile was genuine as she approached and she pulled him into a hug.

"You know, Danny, I really missed you."

He smiled as they released each other. "I really missed you, too," he replied, and he meant it.

Her smile faltered as her expression became more serious. "I wanted to um… I wanted to thank you for… everything."

She didn't have to elaborate – Danny knew exactly what she meant and, despite the resentment he'd harbored since the incident he found himself wanting to just put it behind him.

"Hey – no need to thank me. He would have done the same thing for me."

"Yes, he would. But it's more than that. I could never have stayed away if I didn't know you'd have his back."

With those words Danny realized Catherine had opened the door to the very subject he had been wanting to broach and figured there was no time like the present. But he knew he'd have to tread carefully to get the answers he needed without alienating one or both of his friends. He shuffled for a moment, trying and failing to hide his discomfort. But he forged ahead because his best friend's long-term happiness was too important.

"Can I ask you…" he paused for a moment, gesturing with his right hand as he continued, "why _did_ you stay away? For so long, I mean."

He noticed Catherine's gaze shift to where Steve was standing at the grill talking with Lou and he followed her line of sight. The SEAL must have felt their eyes on him because he looked over his shoulder at them questioningly. He cocked an eyebrow almost imperceptibly and Danny noticed Catherine nod at him and flash a quick smile. He realized they were communicating from a distance and without using words but whatever Steve saw was apparently enough to reassure him because a moment later he turned back to his conversation with Grover.

Worried he might have offended her with his question Danny touched her arm lightly to get her attention. "Hey - if it's none of my business you can tell me so and I'll just shut up."

She met his eyes and smiled briefly before casting her gaze downward. "No, it's uh, it's okay. I get that you're just protecting him," she said softly. She closed her eyes and exhaled before opening her eyes and turning her gaze back to Danny. "I, uh – I thought I was doing what was best for him. I thought he'd be better off without me."

Danny waited for a beat and then prompted, "And now?"

"Now?" She shook her head. "Now… I'm happy to be home."

Danny considered his next question carefully. "So, uh… Are there any other families out there that might, uh…" he paused, seeking the right words, "need your help in the future?"

Catherine smiled fondly. "No." Her voice was soft but her words firm. "You don't have to worry, Danny. I have no intention of ever leaving Steve again. He's stuck with me for as long as he'll have me."

Danny cleared his throat and grinned. "That's, uh, that's good. I am very glad to hear that."

* * *

Some time later when the party had started to wind down Chin-Ho exited the downstairs bathroom and noticed Steve in the kitchen, standing by the window. Steve had spent most of the evening within arm's reach of his intended and so Chin wondered now what Steve was doing inside by himself. He changed direction and headed toward his friend asking, "You do know the party's outside, right?"

Steve turned and watched the other man approaching. "Yeah. I was just putting the leftovers away. You on your way out?" he said distractedly.

Chin nodded and turned slightly, assuming Steve would follow him. But when his boss turned back to the window Chin wondered what had captured the man's attention and moved to stand beside him. Catherine and Kono were sitting on the lanai talking and laughing and Steve couldn't seem to tear his eyes away.

Chin smiled softly. "I'm glad you're not wasting any more time," he said.

Steve glanced at him. "Sorry?"

"There's never enough time. I wasted so much time... with Malia." Chin sighed. "I would give anything for just one more day."

Steve looked down for a moment before making eye contact with his friend. "Yeah," he said somberly. He put his hand on Chin's shoulder. "I don't, uh… I don't know how you got through it the way you did," he said, his respect for his teammate evident in his voice. "But I admire the hell out of you for it."

Chin nodded once. "You just take it one day at a time, you just find something to live for every day."

It was Steve's turn to nod and they were silent for a few moments. "Are we, uh, are we having a moment right now?" he said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Chin grinned and shook his head. "Maybe?"

They shared a laugh before Steve looked out at Catherine again. Chin observed as Steve watched Catherine with an affectionate smile on his face – his happiness was written all over him and it made the Hawaiian happy for his friend. Steve turned to head outside and Chin fell into step beside him. Steve stopped at the cooler on the lanai and held out a beer to his teammate and then grabbed a second bottle for himself.

"You guys set a date?" Chin asked.

"Not exactly. We'd like to do it soon. Maybe a couple months?"

Chin nodded, understanding completely, and extended his bottle in a toast to his friend. "Like I said, I'm glad you're not wasting any more time."

Steve grinned as their bottles clinked and replied, "Me too, Chin." He looked over at where Catherine and Kono were catching up, smiling and chatting animatedly. "Me too".

* * *

Six weeks later Steve was again standing in his backyard, this time facing the house and wearing a light grey suit, a crisp white shirt with the collar open and a traditional, green, Maile lei that hung open-ended to just below his waist. Standing to his left were Danny, Chin, Joe and Lou, similarly attired. Behind him was a chaplain wearing a black suit and draped in a ceremonial lei and in front of him was a small number of white chairs filled with his and Catherine's families and closest friends. It was an intimate setting, as they wanted to share this day with only those most important to them. Steve was happy now they had made that choice as he looked out amongst those gathered and recognized each and every face and knew they all had a place in his and Catherine's lives.

He stood next to his best friend as music began to play and watched as the processional began. Danny's daughter Grace, now a beautiful thirteen-year old young woman, then Ellie Clayton, who had become fast friends with Catherine as soon as Steve introduced them, then his sister Mary, and finally Kono proceeded down the aisle and took their places on the opposite side of the Chaplain.

The music swelled and he forgot to breathe as Catherine appeared on the lanai on the arm of her father. She was more beautiful than he'd ever seen her in a simple dress that was white, strapless, and highlighted her trim figure. He was still feeding her well to help her gain back the weight she'd lost in Afghanistan and was almost there; the dress fit her figure perfectly. Her hair was up in a looser-than-regulation bun at her neck and he hoped he'd be able to catch a glimpse of her blue star tattoo underneath it but knew he'd be searching it out later, regardless.

Rather than wear a lei she had a white Plumeria blossom tucked behind her left ear. He smiled; happy about the placement of the flower and recalling a weekend they had spent in Mumbai years before where they had discussed that very thing. She was carrying a simple bouquet of white flowers in her left hand and her right arm was looped through her father's. Steve thought his heart might burst from the love he felt at the sight of his beloved approaching and he couldn't recall a time in his life when he had felt happier or more content.

He had reluctantly returned to work the morning after the 'welcome home' party when they had been handed a case the governor had a special interest in. At Danny's urging he had convinced Catherine to accompany him to the office because it was an 'all hands on deck' sort of thing and to the surprise of no one her help had proved invaluable.

It seemed a natural progression of things and neither one of them had questioned it when she partnered up with Kono a few days later to question a suspect and a week after that she was back in the field as if she'd never left. Steve had silently supported her all the way always hoping she'd find her way back to the team but allowing her to make her own decisions and it had paid off. He had never doubted her having his back and, given time, she had stopped doubting herself; she and Kono had become an excellent and effective team.

He loved working with her every day and returning to the home he shared with her every night. Although he still regretted that it took them so long to get to this place he was more ready then he ever thought he would be to pledge to spend the rest of his life with Catherine as his wife.

Danny broke him out of his reverie when he leaned over and murmured, "You done good, buddy." Steve glanced at his best man and nodded appreciatively. When Catherine and her father reached them Steve shook his future father-in-law's hand before taking Catherine's hand in his as she came to stand facing him.

"You are beautiful," he told her softly.

"Thanks, handsome. You're not so bad yourself."

The Chaplain took over then, and guided them through the remainder of the short ceremony. They had elected to go with traditional vows, although each planned to make additional, more private promises to the other later. Each said 'I do', then Steve slid a simple gold band onto Catherine's left ring finger to rest again the diamond solitaire that already resided there and she placed onto his finger a similar band, although she had insisted his be made of titanium so it would last the lifetime they planned to be together.

Steve could barely wait for the Chaplain to pronounce them married but once he did Steve just looked upon his wife for several seconds, memorizing the way she looked and how he felt at that moment. Danny finally poked him and whispered, "Just kiss her already," which got a laugh from those in attendance.

Catherine reached up to place a hand on the side of Steve's face and stroked his cheek with her thumb before mouthing, "I love you," and flashing him a dazzling smile. He pulled her to him and they finally shared their first kiss as husband and wife.

* * *

A few hours later the group had moved into an open-air tent – erected to keep the sun and potential afternoon rain off the guests. Danny stood in the back quietly observing the festivities. Chin approached his friend, noticing Amber and Grace chatting animatedly at a table nearby. Companionable silence ensued between the men and Chin realized Danny was watching the bride and groom as they made the rounds, visiting with their guests. They both noticed how Steve kept a hand on his wife at all times, leaning in for a kiss whenever they had a free moment. They looked like newlyweds, which they technically were, and obviously very much in love. But those who knew them knew what they'd experienced, seen and overcome in their lives and that their relationship was far from new.

Chin recalled his first exposure to the woman he now called a close friend. Five years prior he and Steve had been pursuing an escaped inmate and were about to lose traffic camera coverage. Steve, without missing a beat, had called Catherine who, from her duty station on the USS Enterprise, had used military satellites to give them a location on their suspect and then he made a date for the next time she had leave. Chin had been both impressed and intrigued by this mysterious Catherine and was happy, and no less impressed, when he finally had the pleasure of meeting her in person.

Steve had waited for months to finally introduce her to his team. Chin had always presumed it was because Steve wanted to keep her to himself for as long as possible, especially in those days when she was active duty on deployment and the time they could spend together in person was rare. He had seen them together very little in those early years, but what he had seen had been very good.

Then, after a couple years she was transferred to Pearl. Whether it was something she'd requested or by chance he still didn't know but it had been nice seeing the changes having her on the island full time brought out in his boss. She worked with them on a few cases, her help always invaluable, and he and the team really got to know her and she became part of their 'ohana.

Chin was never really sure what happened after Afghanistan. Sure, he knew Steve had been captured and been rescued by a SEAL team. He also knew Danny had a heck of a time convincing him to leave the country without Catherine, but had finally wrangled the man back on U.S. soil. Catherine had been gone for the better part of a year until one day Steve had left the office like a man on a mission and had returned four days later with her as his betrothed.

He recalled how unhappy Danny had been during Steve's time away, how truly worried he had been for his friend. But Steve had checked in as he had promised, so they knew he was safe and they knew when to expect him home. He had told them only that he had found Catherine, and that she was okay and he was bringing her back to Hawaii. It had been clear to both Chin and Kono that Danny's reaction to Steve's news was not altogether positive, but the man had covered it well. Chin wasn't sure Steve ever knew, and it didn't matter anymore, not now.

Chin glanced over at his friend, "Didn't think we'd ever see this day. You?"

Danny grunted, "You mean we should have foreseen this back when the Neanderthal wouldn't even call her his girlfriend?"

Chin laughed at that then asked, "Do you know what made him go and bring her back home?"

" _Hey man, I'm happy for you… Do you guys need a ride or… No, we're good. Take a couple days… Okay, safe flight, babe."_

 _Danny disconnected the call and looked over at his teammates. Chin and Kono were gathered around the smart table with him and Grover was in court on an old case from his time with SWAT. "That was Steve," he said, unnecessarily._

" _Yeah, brah, we got that." Chin directed his smirk at Kono. "Good news?" he asked Danny._

" _Um… yeah. He found Catherine and they're coming home soon."_

 _The cousins turned and fist bumped each other._

" _I'm glad she's coming back," Kono said, rubbing her hands together, "it's about time. Finally, another sistah around here!"_

" _I'm uh…. I'm not sure she's coming back to Five-0. At least not right away."_

 _Danny's distinct lack of excitement had his teammates puzzled. Chin decided to take the bull by the horns. "You all right, Danny? You don't seem too excited."_

 _Danny was quick to respond. "Yeah. It's all good... Steve sounded happy."_

 _Chin raised his eyebrows. "But?" he asked, drawing out the word._

" _I dunno, man. I guess I just don't want to see Steve get hurt again."_

" _I thought you said they were safe and heading home," Chin said, his worry rising._

 _Danny was quick to correct the misperception. "Oh, yeah, no! No, as far as I know they'll be home safe in a couple of days."_

 _He looked at the table, seeming to search for something while Chin and Kono observed him with amused looks on their faces. "Although knowing SuperSEAL I should probably find some wood to knock on."_

 _Chin nodded with understanding. "Ah." When Danny didn't elaborate he raised his eyebrows as a prompt for the man to continue._

" _I just meant, uh… well, you know it was tough on him when she stayed behind. I just wouldn't want something like that to happen again."_

 _This prompted Kono to chime in. "Yeah, but that was a special case, brah. I can't see them ending up in that kind of situation again."_

" _Yeah. No, Kono, you're right. I guess I just can't help worrying about the big lug, you know. Guy can't seem to keep himself out of trouble." Danny sounded sincere, but the cousins still felt there was a something off with their blonde teammate._

 _Kono was excited to see her good friend again and asked Danny, "So, are they going to call when they get in so we can go visit?"_

" _Uh, Steve said they wanted to take a few days. Said he probably wouldn't be coming in unless we got a big case and then to call if we need him."_

 _Kono smiled. "Awww… Lovebirds want to be alone."_

" _Yeah, I guess so," the blonde replied._

Danny came out of his recollection and noticed Steve and Catherine had migrated to the dance floor and were swaying in time with the music. He watched as they gazed into each other's eyes and spoke quietly to each other.

Danny cleared his throat before answering Chin's question, his eyes still on the bride and groom. "Yeah. He, uh, he said it was something Kono said to him, made him realize she was running away." He met Chin's eyes before looking back over at his honorary brother and new sister-in-law. "I guess he decided to go after her."

Chin followed Danny's gaze to the happy couple. "I'm glad he did," he said.

"Me too," Danny echoed.

Chin turned toward his friend. "You mean that?" At Danny's questioning look he raised his eyebrows. "I know you had some… reservations when she first came back."

Danny nodded. "Yeah, I mean that." He jutted his chin toward the dance floor. "Have you ever seen him that happy? He's the best version of himself when she's around."

They both kept their eyes on Steve and Catherine as the music changed and Steve spun Catherine out and back without missing a beat. They had transitioned into some sort of ballroom-looking dance, like they'd practiced for years and Danny just shook his head. "Damn."

Chin looked over at him, surprised. "What?"

Danny chuckled. "Is there _anything_ he can't do?"

Chin smiled and shook his head. "No brah, I don't think there is."

* * *

Steve and Catherine were in their own little world and only vaguely aware of the eyes that were trained on them. Steve watched his wife smile as he twirled her and couldn't remember a time when he had ever been so happy. The song ended and they stopped moving, hands still joined as they gazed in each other's eyes for a moment.

Steve pulled Catherine to him and folded her in his embrace. "I love you, you know," he said into her ear, echoing his words from almost a year prior.

She pulled back just enough to see his face. "I love you, too."

"Thank you for marrying me, Lieutenant."

Catherine smiled. "You're welcome, Commander. Thank you for asking."

He flashed her one of those grins that were reserved only for her and always made her heart soar. "Anytime."

He dipped his head to kiss her as their friends and family looked on, watching two people who were so obviously made for each other and had finally found the lasting happiness they both deserved.

 _End_


End file.
